EXETERRPG: (4 - 0900) CO Captain Trip Williams & CSO Lieutenant Erin Cortez

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: A new day dawns

Day: 4

Stardate: 2446.01.31




(Earth- Home of Trip and Ashlyn Williams - CO Captain Trip Williams & CSO
Lieutenant Erin Cortez - 0900)


Walking up to the steps of the ranch House, Erin took a breath and sighed
heavily. She had needed some advice and knew that Trip would be the one to
talk to.


Smiling, Erin walked up to the door and knocked. Truth be told, she was a
little nervous about talking with Trip. The Vice Admiral's offer was still
playing on her mind but she knew she had to at least tell her captain about
it.


As Erin knocked on the door Trip rounded the corner and greeted her. He was
out working in the shed, he didn’t know what to do with it, but he was
seeing if it could possibly be turned into a home gym.

“Ah, Erin, you’re early.” Trip said wearing jeans and a t-shirt and covered
in dust and grease. “I thought I had time to shower change.”


"Sorry, Sir. Being early has always been a thing of mine."


“Now then, you seemed a bit concerned when we spoke, is this an Erin
conversation or a Lt. Cortez conversation.”


"Kind of both. More so Lt. Cortez but it's.." she paused for a second and
then took a breath.


“But it’s what, Lieutenant Erin?” Trip said with a joking smile.


"That's true. I do have something on my mind, Sir, that I would like your
advice and opinion on, if that's okay?"


“I mean, I’ll do my best, but sometimes the best answer is the one that is
in our heart.”


Erin nodded slightly, "I know and there in lies the problem because my
heart is torn in two ways."


“Alright so, what is it?”


"After the baseball incident, I had to give my statement to Vice Admiral
Williams. We got to talking and he told me that the report and data I got
from the signal blockers and the Empress caused a bit of a kerfuffle at
Starfleet Medical and Science and they say it may be enough to look at a
vaccine. "


“That’s awesome.” Trip said smiling.


"He offered me a teaching post at the academy with lab time to work on the
vaccine."


“Oh, so are you here to tender your resignation, or is this what you aren’t
sure about?”


Looking at him, Erin nodded, "Don’t get me wrong, part of me is wanting to
do it but I just don't know."


“Well have you looked at the pros and cons?”


"Been doing nothing but for the last 24 hours. It's not just that though.
He also said that the professors at the academy and Admiral Kane said that
they thought I had leadership potential and could run a research outpost or
starship one day. It’s a question of do I stay on the Exeter and grow as an
officer and a leader or do I take the offer of becoming something that
every scientist dreams of?"


“Well…what do you think?”


"I just…" Erin paused for a second and looked at Trip, ".. I haven't seen
myself as a leader or someone that could be a leader. I know you asked me
to be your Chief Science and that obviously involves leading. I think my
problem is that I just don't have a lot of faith in myself and who I can
be."


Trip nodded.


"If I may ask, what makes a good leader to you, Sir?"


“The thing though, if the goal is to become a leader to have your own
outpost or what not, they aren’t mutually exclusive. I mean maybe not
becoming a starship captain, but if you go to the academy, teach, do
research, then you know getting a research outpost is still on the cards.
So just because you choose one doesn’t mean the other closes. You need to
be an effective leader to work on a research team and be a professor. I
think that is what my dad meant. Leadership and the opportunities of growth
provided, it’s not a mutually exclusive thing. You will need to show those
same skills regardless of where you are. Sure if you don’t serve on a
Starship, you might not get the chance to lead a ship, unless they give you
a designated research ship…but I mean think about this, as CSO, you lead a
team correct?”


"Yes. Of course."


“And leading a research team on Earth, you’re going to have to lead a team,
correct?”


Erin nodded knowing she knew the answer to that and that she almost already
knew the answer to Vice Admiral Williams' offer.


“So the question is what is the environment, what is it that you would
rather do. I can give you all the theoretical aspects of being a good
leader, but regardless of which choice you choose, you’re gonna have to
figure that out on your own. And I can give you what works for me, but that
may not work for you.”


"What's good for the goose is not good for the Gander as my mom says."


“So the question you will need to answer is what environment do you think
you’ll enjoy more, thrive in more, and then the leadership conversation
comes from there.”


"I know that I get enjoyment from both. When I was on Earth before the
Exeter launched, I worked at Starfleet science both as part of a team and
as a leader of sorts. Being on the Exeter and seeing the stars, being in
Andromeda… that was a different kind of thrill.


I'm torn. Both prospects have good points, both have their own challenges
but I do see your point about the environment. As a scientist, the thrill
of the unknown and discovery is something that we all share."


Trip nodded and listened.


"If I took the offer, then I would be here on Earth almost the time which I
know would make my parents happy. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be happy
but there will always be that part of me that looks at the stars and
wonders what if? What if I did explore? What would I be missing?" Erin
stopped and glanced up at the sky for a second.


Stroking his beard Trip waited for her to finish.


"I respect your opinion, Sir. More than you probably know. I think I can do
well on our ship. I feel like I have grown since we first met and, in a
way, I think I do know the answer. Part of me is looking for confirmation
which I know only comes from myself really. I know your wife believes in
me. I just wish I knew how I could get myself to believe in me."


“The problem Erin, isn’t whether you believe in yourself, the problem is
you are viewing everything as either/or rather than both/and, and as long
as you do that you’ll always doubt. You are looking at what you’ll miss if
you choose the other path. But just because you choose the academy route,
that doesn’t mean you won’t end up exploring space. Just because you choose
the Exeter doesn’t mean you one day won't have an opportunity to one day
lead a research team or teach.”


"That is true.."


“Look, I can’t tell you how to believe in yourself, because I’m not you.
And frankly, since the moment you set foot on Mars, from what others have
told me, you’ve tried asking every single person about how to believe in
yourself, but have you ever really, I don’t know, stopped and asked
yourself that question. You want everyone to believe in you, but do you
really want to believe in yourself, or is it easier to have that doubt, so
you can make excuses later?”


Thinking for a moment, Erin knew what he was saying was, for the most part
right. "You make a valid point there. I have that self confidence issue.
It's always been there. I love what I do on the Exeter and I do think I am
doing a good job. But yes, in some ways, it is easier to have that doubt
and make excuses. It is easier to run and hide rather than face problems
head on. It's a pattern that I know I have had and that I am, with the
correct help, working on. And, if I'm honest, I think the best path for me
is to continue to work on that and be out there facing whatever life throws
at me. Not hiding away or running away when things get tough."


“See you’re doing it again. You’re looking at it as either/or. Is taking
the position my dad offered you running away? No, its an amazing
opportunity. It doesn’t mean you failed, it means you did something so
right, that people want to cherry pick you and put you on their team. It
means they respect you so much they’ve given you a choice.”


Erin nodded and stayed quiet as he spoke, listening and knowing that he was
right. There was an either/or aspect to the way her thinking worked and it
had been there most of her adult life. ~maybe now is the time to see the
grey areas~ she thought to herself.


“You can’t look at things as one thing is good and one thing is bad.
Running away from a problem is running away. But being offered an amazing
career opportunity and choosing it, that is embracing challenge, embracing
opportunity. That’s the first lesson. If you can’t tell the difference
between embracing an opportunity or running away, then you will never be a
good leader. Adequate, sure, serviceable yes. But as long as you look at
life as either/or, good or bad, black or white, then that’s it. You will
never grow in the way you want.”


"I respect your candour, Sir. And i do understand what you are saying. I
know that this is an amazing offer. I have a lot of thinking to do. It's
not an either/or. It's where my heart lies and then owning that choice."


“Personally Erin, I think this is an opportunity that you really, really
need to consider. If what you want is your own command some day, you’re
going to find an easier path by teaching and leading a research team. But
maybe I’m wrong. Right now, I think your ceiling is as Chief Science
Officer, maybe a third officer some day. I don’t know. And part of that is
on me, I need to put you in the best place or places to grow. Things have
been so hectic that I haven’t really been able to give you the professional
development you deserve. If the goal is to get promoted and move on, then
you should take it. On the Exeter, you will probably be a Lieutenant Senior
grade for at least another 3 maybe four years. You take the research gig,
you probably make Lieutenant Commander in no longer than a year. From
there, it's easy to assume you could be an Executive officer of a research
post in a year and a half. Those are other things to consider. Hell, you
could even become CSO on Mars, which would be a much bigger deal, that
could lead you to being a commander before you know it.”


"I know." She replied simply. ~Rank was never as much of a consideration
for me. But the career points… that's a part of the problem I am facing.
Where do I want my career to go? Do I want the big research post, the rank?~


“Selfishly, I’d like to see you stay. You are a great addition to the
Exeter, and you’d be missed. But I cannot in good conscience tell you to
pass up opportunities that would be great for your career. Of course those
promotions I mentioned aren’t guarantees, just opportunities. But I just
felt in full disclosure, while I hope you choose to stay, I’d be a terrible
CO if I didn’t share with you all the opportunities that are available.”


"If it is one thing I have never thought, it's you being a terrible CO,
Sir." She replied with a soft smile,  "However, I do believe I have some
soul searching to do. What is it I do want from my career? That's a
question only I can answer. I know that. In all honesty,  Rank and all that
has never been a driving force. But, that's not to say it doesn't hold some
appeal. I think I just needed to talk it through with someone who will
speak honestly and give both sides of the point so to speak."


Trip nodded.


"I respect your counsel more than you know, Sir. All I can promise you is
that I will take the time I need to consider all aspects and will advise
both you and the Vice Admiral of my decision as soon as I can."


“There are two last bits of advice I can give you about being a leader
Erin, it won't help with you decision but will help you in the long run.”


"I'm all ears."


“You won’t always get the recognition that you deserve or that you think
you deserve. Sometimes we can think, wow I deserve all these kudos, I did
something awesome. But to everyone else, they look at it and they just say,
well you did what you were supposed to do. So while you got recognition
this time, that doesn’t mean you always will going forward.”


"I understand. "


“The second is that as a leader you won’t always get what you want or
necessarily your way. Sometimes it's better to let things flow organically
rather than force them. Part of being a leader is setting the table, but
letting those who serve under you get the glory. Is it fair, not always,
but it is what is.”


"That I understand. Life isn't fair sometimes but it is what it is."


Trip sighed, “I just remembered a third thing, they will break your heart,
and there is nothing you can do about it.”


Looking down for a second   Erin closed her eyes and then looked back,
"It's how you deal with that and move forward." Pausing, Erin took a second
to collect her thoughts and then continued, "I've taken enough of your
time. I do honestly think I know what I am going to do but I suppose there
is no shame in taking an extra few days to consider all the parameters
really, is there?"


“There is one last thing. I think you are too quick to seek validation from
others, almost as if you need permission or approval. On a journey of self
discovery, you need to rely more on your gut, your instinct. Make your own
decision, don’t let others make it for you.”

"I do agree and I know where that comes from. I need to stand on my own two
feet more. Listen to my gut."

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to wash up. Take care Erin.” Trip said as
he nodded and entered into the house.


Looking at the land around the house, Erin smiled to herself as she turned
to leave. ~right now, my gut is telling me I already know the answer. I
know and now I have to own that.~


(Reply none)

(Posted by Will and Jackie)
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