EXETERRPG: (2 - 1049) MS - Dir. R&SE Ashlyn Williams & Caity Dubois

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express

Day: 2

Stardate: 2445.12.02

(USS Exeter  - starlight lounge - Dir. R&SE Ashlyn Williams & Caity Dubois
- 1049)


Sitting back in her chair, Caity stared out of the window of the starlight
lounge. Her mind was whirring with everything that had happened, everything
that she had said to Nix.

~I didn't mean anything like the lieutenant thinks. I really didn't. ~ she
thought to herself.

Ashlyn looked across the large room, she saw Caity alone in the corner of
the room, looking out of the window. She genuinely liked Caity, and found
her a warm, gentle person, now though, all she could see of her was the
facade of someone who was trying to maintain appearances, who was just
bearing up and barely holding it together. She knew the look all too well,
time was she looked like that all of the time.

Slowly Ash walked across the room, and slipped into the booth next to her,
resting her arm around Caity’s petitie shoulders. “You okay sweetie?”

"You wouldn't believe me if I said yes would you?" Caity responded,  not
even looking at the woman sat next to her.

“I’ve seen that look before, worn it myself a few times. I’ve heard rumour,
but nothing specific.”

"Well, let's see. I have been all but accused of murder and I can't see my
girlfriend without every little word and inference being poured over so I'm
fine."

“I saw Ailynn leave, for what it’s worth Caity, I don’t think for a second
that you’re even vaguely capable of that”

"Judging by the looks I have been getting, you would be one of the few."

“I’ve been in bad places myself, not accused of murder I admit, but there
was always the feeling that I needed those closest around me for support.”

"Sometimes the ones you want support from the most are the ones that you
don't get it from." She sighed.

Ashlyn regarded Caity. She was nowhere near as good at reading a person as
Ailynn was, but there were times that people broadcast their feelings,
without saying a word.

“I watched you and Ailynn talk, and saw how you were together, I know that
you’re not talking about her, and you have just as much support from me. So
what is it sweetie?”

"It's not important…."

“Caity, I have no idea what the future holds, but we are part of each
others lives on a level that I can’t explain, we work together, I trust you
absolutely to run the bar, our lives outside work are coming together too,
with you being a part of my family as you see Ailynn more. You can talk to
me; I won't gossip. Not to Trip, nor Ailynn.”

Sighing,  she knew that, at some moment in time, she had to tell the truth
and, it seemed, now was one of those times.

"If I tell you, please don't tell Ailynn. Not yet.. I will tell her, I just
can't… not right now."

“Honey. Ailynn and I are family, we’re close; but we aren’t joined at the
hip. I promise.” She rested her hand on Caity’s, and gave it a gentle
squeeze. “Take your time.”

"My sister, Sara. She had problems. Chiefly, she had problems with
barbiturates. We tried many times to help her. I stayed with her through
detox and saw things that no younger sibling should have to see.

One night, I went for a walk. Just to get some air…"

Ashlyn listened silently, a look of gentle concern and understanding on her
face. It was a more common story than many would understand, even in these
days. “It’s okay, Ashlyn said, “in your own time, I’m not rushing you.”

"When I came back, she was gone. She'd run. A week later they found her…"

“She’d passed?” Ashlyn sighed sadly. “Oh sweetie. I can’t imagine what that
would have been like. Poor darling.”

"My parents… they blamed me. Said I should have stayed with her… and, maybe
I should… But from that moment on, I was the one who let her down, left
when she needed me and I got their Blame. So, I Know What it is like To be
in this situation. All To Well I know."

“You’ve never mentioned family, so I assumed there was a reason, and thank
you for trusting me. How old were you?” She felt her heart breaking at the
obvious still raw trauma that Caity felt at the loss of her sister. Ashlyn
spoke quietly, and gently. Since coming aboard she’d felt the profoundest
feeling of caring take over her. She was now near 5 months pregnant, but
that aside, Ashlyn had always been of a deeply caring nature, and she saw
the 500 people on board all as her children in the strangest way.

"23.. Just. Sara was just 26. I Left. I Ran and, being back in That same
situation, the same feeling Of Blame being Poured My Way, it is taking
everything I Have not to run again."

Ashlyn pulled Caity toward her, and hugged her gently. “You are not alone,
this will pass. I know you, and know that you didn’t do this. I’m guessing
from what you’ve said before that you left after that? Who else knows?”

Closing her eyes and taking in the warmth of the hug, Caity felt her eyes
tear up. She took a couple of shaky breaths and sat back in her seat,
wiping her eyes, "No-one knows. Only my uncle. He took me in and taught me
everything I know."

“Your Uncle was the guy from the Red Sands back on Mars, I remember it came
up in your interview. He taught you well.” Ashlyn complimented, her heart
sad at how Caity was. It was always clear to her that there was more to her
than the pretty, highly able Bar Manager, there was a look about her when
Caity thought that noone was looking, it was sad, but resolute, forlorn,
yet determined. There was so much beneath those stunning eyes.

"Please… don't tell anyone. It's enough the stares of presumptuous guilt.
The stares of people knowing your past is not something I have the strength
to deal with right now."

“Caity, when I make a promise I mean it. We may not have spent as much time
together as I’d have liked, given everything; but you’re a friend, damn
near family, and I look after my own.”

"I'm not used to this… family to me is arguments, fighting and blame."

“We all have pasts sweetie. You, me, Trip, Ailynn. It isn’t the past that
defines us, more the way we allow it to either crack, or temper our
character. I suspect that under the shell of the girl who wants to run
away, beats the heart of a woman who is tired of it. The woman inside wants
to stand up and take the hits on the chin and then move forward, becoming
the person that she is so so desperate to be, with friends and family that
can see it in her.”

"This has just brought it all back for me and I really don't want to have
to explain Sara all over again. I…. Ash…. What do I do?"

“First things first, figure out what’s scaring and traumatising you the
most, because I think you’re linking two utterly unrelated negative sets of
emotions. Important, of course, defining, certainly. However getting your
head stuck in a pattern of negativity, and pulling all your grief on top of
yourself is not a great start.”

"Easier said than done. " she replied,  sighing.

“Caity; did you ever give yourself time to actually mourn? Did you even
allow yourself past stage one of grief?”

"To be honest, I don't know. I really don't. I just kept working, running
and this has just brought it back. The looks on peoples faces when I walk
by them… they are either scared of me or are trying to figure out if I was
capable of doing it."

“I understand. They don’t. All they see is a murder and someone that is
being spoken to about it. Once you’re no longer a suspect, they’ll realise
their mistake.

"Ash, I didn't… I.. couldn't… it's not in me to be that angry."

“I know, but it’s an important step, and I wonder if you’ve even considered
it?” Ashlyn said delicately.

"Considered what?"

“That despite all your love for her, and I know that you do, I wonder if
you’ve accepted the fact that you’re so cross with her that the guilt of it
all tears at you?”

Looking down, Caity nodded, "it's hard to be angry at someone who was
obviously in so much pain… I'm not angry at her. I'm angry at myself." She
closed her eyes,

"She was an amazing woman. I just hope that, one day, I can understand why…"

“Why it started? Or why she couldn’t let go?”

"Let go.. but I don't need to understand. These things are sent to try us
right? Well, I'm failing this one. However, I do have things to hold on to."

“We’re all allowed to fail now and then. What things are you focusing on?”
Ash wanted to hear what she had in mind.

"I'm alive for one. I'm out, traveling the stars and not stationary. I have
a good friend next to me and someone that could be someone special,
something good."

Ashlyn nodded. “Think of the positives.” She squeezed Caity’s hand again,
smiling gently. “I have to say though. Before you and Ailynn go much
further you two have to have a very serious conversation. Yes?”

"I know. Just not now. Anything I tell her… she would have to pass it
forward and I won't put her in that position. "

“I know.” She smiled again, quite wickedly. “There’s another reason you
know; why you can’t run off I mean.”

"Oh?"

“I’ve seen the dress that she’ll be wearing at the New Years Ball.” She
wafted her face, and winked.

A slight smile appeared on her face as she wiped her eyes a little,  "Oh?
You're just teasing me to make me smile aren't you?"

“Partly. But also no.” She regarded the woman next to her. Caity’s normal
manner was all but gone, razed assunder by the emotion of the moment. “I’m
not suggesting that your feelings about her need to change, far from it.
It’s okay to be cross and angry at the departed. I was for ages when mum
died, my foster mum I mean. I was only 7.”

"Oh…. Ash. And you sit here listening to me moan and whine… I am so sorry.."

Ashlyn shook her head. “This is your time sweetie. I’ve long since come to
terms with my past. Does it bother me still? Of course; here’s the thing.
The good things always outweigh even a tiny bit of the bad, but the bad
things don’t always take away from the good. It’s still painful, but each
day is a new one. That’s the lesson that you need to learn, but I can’t
teach you that.”

"It's one I have to teach myself. I know. Every morning I wake up, say
goodmorning to her and tell her about my day to come. I talk to bert about
her although I am fairly sure he is sick of hearing about her by now. " she
replied with a smile.

“You always have me, you know that right?” Ashlyn said, “You can always
talk, rant, whatever.”

"Thankyou. I should go and tidy my bar. Security did a good job in there.
Not like I can open yet but it needs a good scrub down. "

Ashlyn sighed gently, she understood why Caity would be wanting to clean
up, and return to a semblance of normality, but she shouldn’t feel like she
had to. “Caity,” she started.

"Yeah?" She replied, finally looking at her boss, her friend.

“I mean it. You’re not alone. Regardless of how much you think you are.”
She smiled warmly. “You’re going through a lot of troubles, and you’re
still clinging to so much pain. I’m no counselor, but I’ve been around the
block enough times to know when someone is hurting.”

"Hurting is one word for it. Right now, I would settle for just trying to
get things back to normal. Then, maybe, I can deal with it. Right now, I
just need to get through this and come out the other side, preferably
without anything on my service record."

“It won’t come to that honey. Right now you’ve been interviewed because you
and Nix had those words. No other reason.”

"Ash… you're pregnant. You don't need to be worrying about me. Worry about
your baby… and the one inside you." She replied with a soft smile.

Ashlyn smiled warmly, “daftie, I’m pregnant, not dying. I worry about
everyone around me, especially those that need support, a shoulder to cry
on as it were.”

"You care about me?"

“I wouldn’t be sat here with you if I didn’t care now would I?”

Caity smiled softly and took her hand, gripping it tightly. "Thankyou."

“Now. If you’re set on going back to the bar that’s fine, but don’t feel
you have to. Come and see me later and we’ll have a late afternoon lunch
together. I doubt that you’ve eaten properly today and I’m going to make
sure you’re looking after yourself.” Ashlyn’s voice was warm, and gentle.
She genuinely did care about those around her.

"I need to do something. Just to keep occupied. I can't see Ailynn, and
whilst I may not be able to open the bar, the least I can do is make it
ship shape." She stood and looked at her,

"Suits you. You have a glow about you. I'd love a late lunch because I
honestly don't think I have eaten today."

“Give yourself a couple of hours, then come back. We’ll have lunch.” She
smiled, gently. “Honestly Caity, thank you for sharing that with me, it
took a lot of courage sharing what you did, and even more trust.”

"Okay… I'll try." She replied and turned to leave.

Ashlyn watched as Caity stood up and left the room. She sighed sadly, so
many people that she knew, gentle, warm hearted people like Caity sometimes
had such awful stories. She looked up toward Addison who was approaching
her. “Poor girl.” Addison said as she reached Ashlyn.

Ash nodded, but didn’t reply straight away. “Would you mind reserving a
table for two? Myself and Caity. I want to make sure that she has a decent
meal.”

Addison nodded. “Of course. I’ll put it down now.”

Ash half smiled as she got up, and stretched, her baby moving again,
slowly, with a sigh, she moved back to her office, and back to the grind of
the rotas.

(Reply none)

(Posted by Mark and Jackie)
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