EXETERRPG: (1, 0209) CO, Captain Trip Williams

[Will Banowsky]

Mission: Space was cool before it mattered
Day: 2
Stardate: 2446.04.26



(USS Exeter - Personal Quarters -CO, Captain Trip Williams - 0209)

“They deal with it, primarily, by being slightly older.” Ashlyn said after
a breath, “If there’s one thing that separates a person of your age and one
of more advanced age, it’s an ability in an older person to separate the
act from the emotional response. Not that they don’t feel it, but somehow
learn to separate. One from the other. That is something that only comes
with age. Few people, of any race, have the ability to disseminate the two
at your age."

 "Yeah, I know.....And with time. I just....why does it need to take time.
Why can't I just be perfect now." He paused. "Not that I am or will ever be
perfect. But you know, almost perfect would work."

“Trip,” She sighed gently. “You are incandescent in your achievements,
however you still need to learn many, many lessons that those of lesser
rank are figuring out. “You’re getting better, and I get that Alex isn’t
Ailynn, but that’s the lesson, you have to lean hard on whoever is your FO,
and by extension Command team. Let's say we get transferred to the USS
Whatever tomorrow, are you going to let yourself be hamstrung as you don’t
have your best team about you? Or are you going to wade in and get people
to do half of your stuff. I don’t want to say this exactly, but if Ailynn
has an edge on you its that she knows how to pass on lesser tasks so she
can shoulder the big ones, probably her surgeon thing,”

"Yeah, but its slightly different. I pass on what I can, and I am better
with that, but ultimately, the responsibility comes to me. In the end, I
can delegate as much as possible, but that doesn't take away the burden. If
I put someone in a position and they fail, well they are the one that
failed, but did I give them enough to succeed. The thing is, it's learning
to shoulder responsibility. But ultimately there is only so much that can
be given but infinitely more that is reflected back on me. Every life lost,
every success gained, yes has a lot to do with many circumstances. But
while a crewman's triumph reflects squarely on them, their failures or
their deaths, no matter how much I have delegated or am not at fault,
reflects on me, because I am the one who put them in that situation,
ultimately. And there is an unfairness to it, I know. And I do my best to
share, better than I have. But ultimately, at the end of the day, all those
lives...all these lives....I am the one who swears to protect them."

(Reply ash)

Trip stood up and clenched his fists. "But I can't make myself culpable and
drown myself in guilt. I can mourn every last one, and wish I could have
done more, but to throw myself a pity party would be a dishonor to their
memory. And I can't let a nightmare shake my confidence because that does
them a disservice too."

(reply Ash)

"I'm gonna be ok. Dream just hit me pretty vivid. I'm gonna go check on
Ronnie, do you mind giving Drew his feeding. He doesn't cry as much at
night when you hold him. I think my hands might be just a bit to coarse for
his soft little head."

(reply Ash)

(reply Ash)
(posted by Will)
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