EXETERRPG: (3 - 1747) MS - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express

Day:03

Stardate: 2445:12:03



( USS Exeter - Personal Quarters - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 1747 )



After speaking to Jimmy and contacting the counselling team, Erin sat back
for a moment to allow herself a moment to think before she left to speak to
someone. As she closed her eyes, one word kept ringing in her mind.
~Evolving~



That was the word. She was evolving. Becoming better. Someone that wasn’t
scared to admit she was wrong or vulnerable. Thinking back to the night
that Christian had broke her in more ways than one, she knew that she was
not that person. The feelings that she had had then, the fear, the pain,
the uncertainty, the unworthiness. But, she had fought her way back to get
into starfleet. Struggled but made it through.



Then there was Dulon and what had happened there. The fact that she had
recognised that she needed help and time away from the life she had on mars
was not lost on her. She had recognised that she needed to become something
other than what she was at that point in her life. She had needed to
evolve.



And now, with the whole ‘Maxine’ situation, with Clarke and Nesha losing
their lives and her nearly losing hers… she realised that again, she was
evolving. Constantly adapting and changing and becoming stronger. Erin
shook her head as she knew the word stronger wasn’t right. Jimmy had been
right with what he had said about her becoming obsessed with becoming
stronger and he had been right to a point.



The word Strong was a double edged sword. She knew that she was stronger
but she could tell that she was using it in a different sense now. No
longer was the word something that she strived for, was desperate to
become. Stronger now meant being able to admit when she was feeling weak
and vulnerable and letting people in. Letting people in to help her with
her struggle and being open to receive that help.



She smiled to herself as she opened her eyes and stood. ~Maybe strong is
not the word, evolving is. It’s like a chrysalis. Everything up to the
moment in my life has been to help me change, to become who i was meant to
be. I am evolving and that’s fine. I can be weak, i can be vulnerable and
that’s fine and, right now, i need to be that version of me. The fun
version of me will come back as a part of the whole.~



Taking a breath, she walked out of her quarters, knowing that she was
feeling better about her journey and where it would take her.

(Reply none)

(Posted by Jackie)
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