EXETERRPG: (3 - 0430) MS - FO Cmdr Ailynn Bracken and N&D Manager Caity DuBois

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express

Day: 03

Stardate: 2445: 12 : 03



(USS Exeter - Outside DuBois Personal Quarters - FO Cmdr Ailynn Bracken and
N&D Manager Caity DuBois - 0430)

Tired wasn’t the word.

Ailynn was completely, bone deep exhausted. Even caffeined up to the
eyeballs, she knew that the second that she’d hit the pillow, she’d be
asleep, and as much as that was a lovely prospect, there was something that
she had to do first, and it wouldn’t wait.

She felt awful. Intellectually she knew that she’d done everything in her
power to prevent everything that had happened from happening, nonetheless,
it didn’t stop the faces of the deceased from mocking her and blaming her
every time she closed her eyes.

~It was all my fault~ she thought, her failure encompassing her.

It was for that reason that she hadn’t gone to bed, instead writing and
filing her reports, and then going to see the one person she had at the
moment that possibly wouldn’t shout at her for disturbing them at this
hour. She hit the door chime knowing that she looked like she was at deaths
door herself, only just keeping her physical tiredness, and runaway
emotions at bay, it wasn’t going to take much for her to collapse.

Yawning, Caity crawled out of bed, not caring at that moment that her hair
looked like someone bird would nest in. Rubbing her eyes and thankful that
she had put her pyjamas on, she walked to the door and allowed entry to the
person who had woken her up.

At first Ailynn couldn’t say anything, couldn’t take a step forward, so she
was glad when Caity gently took her hand and pulled her into her quarters.

Holding her hand, Caity walked slowly to the sofa and sat down, not knowing
what to say. She had heard some rumours before she had gone to bed that
something had happened but, seeing Ailynn looking like she did, she knew
that it had been bad.

Pulling her into a hug, she said nothing. Knowing somehow that words were
not needed and that what she did need right now was comfort.

Ailynn felt Caity’s arms enfold her, and she sank into the embrace as she
always did. The warmth, and comfort was the last straw. She broke into
tears, all her emotion and exhaustion coming out all at once, her profound
fear of failure taking over her emotion as her breath came in gasps.

“Its…” she gasped. “So bad…” Ailynn could barely speak. “Erin...critically
injured...two others dead.” she buried her face into Caity’s shoulder, the
scent from her hair filling her nostrils.

Letting her talk, Caity kept hold of her, gently stroking her hair. Not
wanting to interrupt her.

She tried to pull herself back together, but found that at the moment she
couldn’t. “All my fault. I shouldn’t have rested, I wasn’t good enough or
clever enough,”

"Ailynn, it was not your fault. How can you think that? That…. Thing…
whatever it was evil. Pure and simple."

Rumour had travelled round the ship reasonably quickly, as it normally did.
Ailynn had found herself pass many other officers, crew, and civilian staff
carrying mixed looks, pity and curiosity being chief amongst them. Holding
Caity’s embrace for a while longer while she pulled herself slowly back to
herself, eventually Ailynn pulled back and regarded her girlfriend.

“You heard some of it then. I know it wasn’t my fault, in my head i mean. I
can’t help shouldering the blame though. It feels like if I had worked
harder, not been so thick, then I could have saved them.”

"You were not to blame. Trust me, I know something about blame." She
responded quietly.

“It doesn’t feel like it. Now, I can barely close my eyes without seeing
their faces, mocking, accusatory looks on their faces. I’ve seen death
before, lost patients, had people die on the table in theatre, right in
front of me during an operation, this though feels so much more a direct
kick to the guts.”

"Because it was your crew. Your friends…. Your best friend. You said Erin
was critically injured. Is she..?" Caity’s voice tapered off, not knowing
how to ask the question.

Ailynn shook her head. "She's alive...barely. quite literally at death's
door. I can't help out, conflict of interest." She sighed. "Nesha and
Clarke weren't so lucky…if that's the right expression." She leant once
more on Caity’s shoulder.

"Erin is strong. Stronger than she thinks but she is going to need you. Not
like this. She is going to need the you that would fight her corner. She's
going to need her friend."

"I know." She said quietly. "I need her to survive the surgery first
though."

"Do you know what happened in there?"

Shaking her head Ailynn spoke quietly. "I've never seen such...raw emotion,
It'll take a while to reconstruct it, and I probably can't say much, but it
looked like some kind of electrical energy weapon by the damage. Why would
someone do that?" Tears flowed once more.

"That I can’t answer. All i can say is that, whoever she was, was angry. We
all do things when we're angry at the world. " She replied, resting her
head on Ailynn’s.

"But so angry as to be involved in the deaths of five people? I can't…" she
yawned deeply.

"Nor I….." She sighed, knowing that what she had said was going to be
questioned.

Comforted by Caity’s embrace, she felt herself relax, and begin to breathe
normally. "You mentioned understanding blame? She tilted her head slightly,
looking up at her girlfriend's gentle face.

Cait nodded, "I can tell you. I'm… happy to if that is the right word, but
whether it should be now…"

Ailynn nodded, and sighed. "Feels like we have things hanging over our
heads."

Sighing, Caity sat back and nodded, "I had a sister. Sara. She was older
than me by a few years. She was wonderful, beautiful and talented but she
was troubled."

Ailynn pulled away from Caity slightly, but held her hand, their
intertwined fingers resting in Caity’s lap. “Troubled? How so?” She asked,
gently.

"She started taking things. Got into it too deep. We tried everything to
help her. One day, whilst she was…. My parents left us to get some food I
think. I left her alone for a few minutes… in those few minutes, she
bolted."

Ailynn’s blood ran cold, it was a horribly familiar story. “Oh no…” Ailynn
felt her heart plunge in her chest again, knowing where the story was
going. “Your parents?”

"They blamed me. Said it was my fault that she ran. Got even worse when
they found her a week later…" Caity’s voice trailed off, knowing that she
didn't have to say, that Ailynn would understand.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” She swapped hands for her left, and wrapped her
right arm around her girlfriend's waist. “Your parents?”

"They blamed me for her… so I left. Haven't seen or spoken to them since.
That was four years ago."

“I had a feeling that there was something...hanging over you, just tiny
things that you’ve said here and there, but I had no idea how traumatic
things have been.”

"This whole situation…. Whilst I have not suffered anything like those
others, it has brought up things. But, it has also, in a weird way, helped."

“What was she like, before her troubles I mean?”

Smiling softly, "She lit up the room with her smile. She was a talented
musician. She could make a piano sing. Beautiful but troubled."

Ailynn felt a tear come to her eye. It was so similar to her own story, she
knew that she had to tell Caity about her past, but now wasn’t the time,
this was Caity’s moment to speak, and talk about her past, it wasn’t
Ailynn’s moment this time.

"I have some home movies of us. One of the only things I took when I left.
Other than Bert and Mr Flibbles."

Ailynn smiled, turning to the vivarium and then to Caity. “The penguin
puppet.” She smiled gently, and slipped off her shoes and tucked her feet
up, leaning her head into the crook of Caity’s shoulder as she leant back
slightly. “Your Uncle help you out, back on Mars I mean?”

"Yeah. He taught me everything I know. Not just about bars, but life too.
He showed me what unconditional love really is."

“I don’t know what to say Caity, I can’t begin to understand what you went
through, there was always just me, so I was selfish growing up I suppose.”

"We all have our moments. The things that try us, test us. That was mine.
This maybe yours." She paused and looked at her, "You alright now?"

She looked up at her, and kissed her gently on the cheek, then rested her
head back down, “I’m okay, feeling a bit more settled. I always do with
you, you know that. Are you okay, Miss Ruffled hair and cute space whale
PJ’s”

Caity hit her playfully, "That’s what you get when you wake me up at four
in the morning." She paused for a moment, "You can stay here if you want to
but I get the feeling there's somewhere else you want to be right now."

Ailynn shook her head, “Want to be elsewhere? No.” She sighed. “As lovely
as it is to see you in your nightwear for the first time, and as much as
I’d like to not have to move and sleep right here on the couch, I need to
go back up to Sickbay and see if Erin is awake yet.”

"You need to take care of you as well. You will have been awake for a good
24 hours now. And don't try to tell me otherwise, missy. Go, see if she is
awake. If not, go talk to the captain. Just talk."

“I will baby. I will. I’ve no doubt I'll be under the counsellor for a few
sessions anyway.” She groaned as she stood up and slipped her shoes back
on, then held her arms out, however inside she was smiling deeply at
Caity’s gentle care. “Can I have a hug?”

"Always." She stood and enveloped Ailynn in her arms, holding gently and
taking in a deep breath.

Ailynn felt herself sink into the embrace, and felt a smile return to her
face, and let out a happy sigh.

"Oh, before you go. I swear if you tell anyone about my pj's and I will
find a way to sneak Tribbles into your quarters."

Ailynn laughed gently, rubbing her nose gently against Caity’s and then
kissing her, before pulling her face away slightly, a happy, but tired
smile on her face. “I’d better get on. I love you.”

Caity heard the words but didn't respond. The words that she had longed to
hear had been spoken in a moment of intense emotion and, part of her
wondered if they were meant.

She regretfully let Caity go, and with a gentle smile turned and left the
room. It wasn’t until hours later that she realised what she’d said,
blushed at the memory and she realised that she’d meant every word; she did.

(Reply none)

(Posted by Jackie and Mark)
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