EXETERRPG: (5 - 1100) CO Captain Trip Williams & Caity Dubois

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: A new day dawns
Day: 5
Stardate: 2446.02.01


(Earth- Home of Trip and Ashlyn Williams - CO Captain Trip Williams & Caity
Dubois - 1100)


As she looked at the ranch house she had heard so much about from Ailynn,
Caity felt the nerves build. She knew that Trip and Ailynn were old friends
and she knew that he would be looking out for her, especially now. The fact
that she had even made the journey that morning said something as to how
she was feeling.


After the whole incident on the ship, Caity had hidden away from people and
crowds. She hadn’t felt not only able to be around people but she hadn’t
felt herself. She also knew that she needed to talk to someone that knew
Ailynn well and could be almost a sounding board because there were still
things that she needed to get straight in her mind.


So, she had called Trip and asked if they could talk. Now it had come down
to it, Caity looked at the ranch House and fear almost took her. Closing
her eyes for a moment, she turned to leave.


“Leaving so soon,” Trip said as he walked out the front door, “You know
that wouldn’t have worked, I would have called if you didn’t show up. So
you can talk to me here in person, or we can make it awkward when I call in
30 minutes.”


Caity stopped and sighed, "I'm sorry. It's been a few days since I've left
the villa and… to be honest, I'm feeling a little uneasy."


“Well we could of done this remotely.” Trip said with a smile.


Caity turned back and looked at him, "I called because you know Ailynn the
best. I just need someone to talk to."


“Well come on inside, den is down the hallway, first left. Can I get you a
coffee or a tea?”


Caity nodded and headed inside, "Coffee would be good."


Trip nodded and went to the kitchen. He replicated a coffee. He had the
Exeter crew preferences downloaded to his home system, so he replicated the
coffee based on Caity’s most ordered Exeter preference.


"I know we could have done this remotely but there's things that need to be
said face to face. I mean, you're Ailynn’s closest friend. You know her.
We… haven't really had any chance to talk. Openly I mean."


“Well, I’ve got about an hour,” he said handing her the coffee and
motioning for her to sit down. “Ash and Ronnie are at my parents feeding
the goats, they’ll be back in a hour, so it just us, no chances of
interrupting.”


Caity sat, feeling the warmth of the coffee in her hands and nodded.


“So, what’s up?”


"You know her news right?"


“Yes,” Trip said, he had a feeling this was what it was about.


"I won't lie and say it’s been an easy decision to stay with her. It hurt.
It really did but… there's something in me that's telling me she's the one
for me. I love her but I am having trouble… asking her about it."


“You know, I’m really…..I love Ailynn….I’m not necessarily sure I’m the
best one to talk to about love or her love life.”


"I know… I just didn't know who to turn to."


“Look some times, in life there are moments were we got to nut up or shut
up. Ailynn is counting on you, she’s been 100% honest with you. That right
there is your best indicator that she wants you to reciprocate, ask her
about these things. It’s just a simple matter of having the courage.”


"Confidence was never an issue…"


“If you have the courage to stick with her while she is having the kids of
some pocket dimension simulation of a the guy who saved her life, then
talking to her about feelings is easy.”


"Normally I would say that's easy. Things recently have just hit me… a lot.
I'm doing the right thing and talking to Fleet services but..  sometimes
they can be a bit clinical."


Trip nodded.


"Captain…I'll be honest with you. You being Ailynn’s friend, oldest friend…
I know you must have some concerns about me."


“There is no one’s judgement I trust more in this world, outside of my
family, than Ailynn Bracken. If in Ailynn’s judgement  she wants you
around, thats good enough for me.”


Caity nodded. Knowing that settled her some. But there were things pecking
in the back of her mind, things she had wanted to ask.


“Besides, if I honestly had concerns, I would have told them to Ailynn
already. I’m not the kind of person that will go to someone and say stop
dating my friend or else. Ailynn would have already known how I felt. And
given that she and I are still on speaking terms. There ya go.”


Caity smiled a little and took a sip of coffee. "If I am honest, I knew
that. Doesn't stop me feeling a little on edge. That's not on you, Sir.
That's on me. Ailynn is the first person I have truly seen myself spending
my life with. I'm not asking for permission or validation. I'm speaking
openly."


Trip nodded.


"There was something that I did want to ask, if I can?"


“Well you might as well.”


"You've seen things..  in service I suspect. Me, I'm a bar tender. Don't
get me wrong, I've been through stuff but.. what happened on the ship… that
was different. How do you deal with that?"


“You take it a day at a time. You talk to counselors if you need it. You
take the time you need, and you don’t rush. Things take time. If you try to
rush things, well you wont be healing in the way you need it.”


"I'm not rushing. Not at all. That's part of the reason I'm staying with
Ailynn. I can't face the bar. Not yet. "


Trip just sat and listened.


"Then there's the pregnancy. Ailynn is tough, I know that. She can deal
with the physical. She knows how and why her body will change. Part of me
is worried about the emotions. Everything is so… what's the word… tense? No
that's not it. We tip toe around each other. She knows that I'm hurting not
because of her but because of what the Empress did. I can tell she thinks
I'm hurting because of what happened in Toronto.  That's not it at all. The
way I see it.. it boils down to do I blame the kid for being conceived?
Gosh no. Never. No way. Does it change how i feel about her? No. I still
love her. Do i still want to be with her? Yes.

I'm rambling.. I'm sorry. Things are just coming into my head and it feels
like I need to say it to someone."


“Look, you just need to be honest and talk. You’ll have the time. But the
longer you wait, the harder it will be.”


"I know.. "


“There are a lot of emotions going on, and as much as its good you want to
be around and help Ailynn, you also need to make sure you are giving
yourself the attention that you need. If you avoid it, you’re just gonna
breed resentment between the two of you.”


"That's true. I can't help her if I don’t help myself, right?"


“Basically yes.”


"I've been meaning to check up on Lieutenant Smith.. Greta. Is she… doing
okay?"


“Like you, she’s on the road to recovery.”


"That's good."


“Look you have to choices here Caity, the same to choices everyone faces
when trauma enters their lives. You can let the trauma define you or refine
you.”


"How do you mean?"


“You can take the pain, and let it be core of your identity, woe is me, let
the bad things always set your limits, let it always haunt you or get your
down. Or you can use it, to fuel you, to sharpen you, make you stronger.
But if you walk down that path, you’ve got to own it. You can’t play the
victim, you’ve can’t use it as an excuse. Neither are necessarily wrong,
though one is harder than the other.”


Caity nodded, listening to the words being spoken to her.


“Only you can choose. Others will support you, but only you can choose what
tomorrow brings.”


"I know what I would like it to bring. But you are right, Sir. I've been
down a road before that I don’t want to go down again. That's something
that is not going to happen. What I want it to bring, if I am being open
and honest, I want her. Soppy as it sounds."


“You're missing the point.”


"Am I?"


“Yes Ailynn, is worth it, but this can’t be about her, you can’t project
your trauma, your pain on her, she’s strong enough to handle it yes. But
its about you. You need to focus on you, to be the best you, for her. Its
not about what you want…that’s the long way of looking at it, because want
sometimes can get confused for need. It’s not about what you want, its
about who you are going to be. You have to find a way, if you truly want to
be there for her, truly want to be with her, not conflate your feelings of
healing with your feelings for her. Because then what happens if things go
wrong, do you blame her. Do you take it out on her. If you still have
nightmares, is it her fault. Do you blame the twins for getting in your way
of being with her?”


Caity bit her lip, sensing that there was more that he wanted to say and
waited.


“You need to slow down, and focus on that interior question. Who are you
going to be? That other stuff, that comes later. But if you focus your
healing, your first steps, on wanting Ailynn. Then you’re going down a
dangerous path. Could turn out great, could turn on terrible.”


"I'm not doing that… I mostly know who I am. But I take your point."

“Everything starts with you asking the question who are you going to
become, and you need to do this for nobody else but yourself. It has to be
because you NEED to do this for YOU. Otherwise….everything gets all wrapped
up together, and there is the danger that anytime you feel like you aren’t
where you want to be, who do you blame, yourself, or her.”

Nodding,  Caity sipped her coffee,  allowing herself the time to absorb
what had been said.

“And I admit, that there are no universals, what works for some, does not
work for all. And you need to let people help you. But you need to make
sure that they are there to help get you started, and that you don’t use
them as a crutch.”


"Believe me, Sir. People being a crutch is not me. Been on my own since I
was a teenager. That's a story for another time. I've learnt to know…"


“Caity….” Trip said cutting her off.  “Not everything needs a response, not
everything needs a reply, not everything needs a justification. Sometimes,
sometimes you just need to take what is said and go. Run with it. Otherwise
it sounds like you’re brushing it off. I know about your history, you were
thoroughly vetted before you were allowed on my ship. It’s ok to be
vulnerable, its ok to say, I’m strong but maybe this time, I need more.
Take it from someone who once had a phaser in their mouth. It’s ok to just
listen. It’s ok to not go on the defensive. Not everything needs a
response.” Trip stood up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I really don’t want to
keep feeling like I’m lecturing you and I need to finish up some paperwork
before hurricane Ronnie gets here.”


"Got all this to come. I should get back to the villa."


“You can stay as long as you need, walk the grounds, there is a small pond
about 20 minute walk to the south, good for thinking. You’re gonna be fine,
Caity, and I think you are strong enough to handle it. But every situation
is different, and not everything can just be solved by saying well I did it
once before. Take time, breath, and be vulnerable. It will serve you well.”

Trip then nodded and headed to the study.


After he left, Caity sat still for a moment. ~be vulnerable. Take time.
Wise words from one so young to be in the position he is. He'll go far.~
she thought to herself as she stood and walked towards the door.


~actually,  being near the pond… sounds nice. Calming.~ she thought as she
walked out of the door and turned south.


(Reply None)

(Posted by Will and Jackie)
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