EXETERRPG: (3, 1200) CO, Captain Trip Williams [Flashback to CONN, ENS JG Trip Williams and MO, ENS Ailynn Bracken

[Will Banowsky]

Mission: A new day dawns
Day: 3
Stardate: 2446.01.30

(USS Exeter - Bridge  – CO Cpt Trip Williams -1200)

Trip didn't want to be on the Exeter any longer than he needed to be. He
was on leave, wanting to spend as much time with his family. However when
it was discovered that Ronnie had left her blankie on the Exeter Trip had
to go get it. Granted, Trip had no idea what this blankie was. It was a
memory from the original Ronnie's timeline, one of the few that were kept.
Something about a light blue blanket with a purple unicorn on it. Trip had
no idea what it looked like. He knew he'd have to gamble on fabricating a
blanket. He could have easily done it at the house, but Ronnie was
insistent, he had to go back to the Exeter, because that is where it had to
be. Except the blanket did not yet exist in this timeline. It was a bit of
a conundrum. So Trip went back to the Exeter, and Ronnie had to see him ask
to be beamed up and to see him actually beam to the Exeter. Then he had to
hail her from the Exeter, so that she could see him. So he hailed her from
the Ready Room. While he was doing that he had some of the OPS team use the
fabricators to create a light blue blanket with a purple unicorn and hope
for the best. If nothing else, he'd try his best convince her that this
blanket was the one and if not that it was MUCH better. He tried his best
not to do too much paperwork. Once the crewman who fabricated the blanket
had brought it to him, Trip thanked him and then made his way across the
bridge to the turbolift so he could go home and hope the blanket was the
right one.

He was still nostalgic. He was robbed of his chance to have a proper
goodbye with Ravok, unless you count the attempted homicide. Not to mention
he did have some sense of finality with Ailynn, he wouldn't be seeing her
for a long while. It saddened him, she was his best friend. She was also
there when he declared that one day he wanted to be the Exeter's captain.
When he realized how much he wanted to compete his Dad's legacy. When for
the first time as an Adult he accepted his legacy. He was going to miss her
something fierce.

(Flashback to Stardate: 2444.06.02)
(NX-1672- Bridge- CONN, ENS JG Trip Williams and MO Ens Ailynn Bracken-
06:00)

Trip was unsure if there was an afterlife. Many different planets,
cultures, and belief systems had one, including many of the old Earth
religions, and he himself wanted desperately to believe that there was. But
whether or not there was one, he was sure of one thing, if there was, there
would be daily parades for whoever it was that discovered the positive
effects of caffeine. He hadn't really slept, he had a lot on his mind, and
was on probably his second energy drink, which probably meant that the was
going to be chewed out by the medical staff. Still as his duty schedule
seemed to be a bit more fluid at the moment, he was going to find ample nap
time during the day.

For right now he didn't want to be alone and he had already taken enough of
his sister's time. So he somehow managed, thanks to a 5:00 message, to get
his childhood friend to join him for an excursion onto what should have
been his father's legacy. He had been there for about an hour just sitting
on the bridge thinking about life.

Of course he also wanted Lynn there because he didn't want to be alone.
Right now being alone meant thinking about Rae, and he did not want to do
that. It only made him hurt. He stood next to the OPS station. He was
wearing civilian clothing, black pants, black boots, a black t-shirt and a
gray bomber jacket that had a giant Spade on the back surrounded by the
words Ace of Spades.

"Morning sunshine," he said as Ailynn beamed onto the bridge, "Welcome to
the graveyard that is what the federation could be." Trip was perkier than
his mind or body had any right to be. One of the benefits of caffeine.

Ailynn wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of it, but she’d been long
awake, and needed a distraction from the renovations to the hospital that
her and the other Ensigns were devoting nearly all their energies to.

She’d known him their entire lives, so she wasn’t sure why she suddenly
needed to look the part. He was still the kid next door, the fence still
had the hole in it. Generally, she wasn’t a clothes horse. She had a few
things that she wore for comfort, to protect her modesty, but beyond that,
Ailynn had never seen the point. A fact that her Med School colleagues had
been grossly offended by, as in their words she ‘looked good in old
drapes’, not that she understood that either. ~people were weird. Facts
aren’t weird. I like facts~

So at 0550, she was surprised to be still stood, practically nude, in front
of her wardrobe. Eventually, she picked a sleeveless t-shirt, for a band
that she remembered seeing how long ago; this topped with a mid-thigh
length skirt. Admittedly on her mid-thigh was generous given her legs, but
this was mitigated by thigh length boots, that she’d eventually settled on,
a copy of a vintage 1980s fitted waist biker jacket, and somewhat
ridiculously, given the much lower levels of daylight here on Mars, a
vintage pair of 80’s sheek sunglasses.

Ailynn looked around her, History yelled at her from all around. It was
like her Standard Ed History teacher was suddenly 12 years old.

Lifting the glasses to her head, framing her luxuriant dark brown hair, she
felt her heart skip, her eyes liven. “Trip, this is amazing. How did you?”

"My dad, this was his project, his legacy, you know before they shut her
down." Trip said as he moved over to the captain's seat and sat down.
Beside him were the first officer's chair to the right and the
diplomat/counselor/second officer/whomever chair to the left. "This was
what was supposed to be his legacy, but it only got 75% completed before
they shut the project down. Never got a commissioning, never got a test
flight. Just sitting here. I made my way up last night, checked the
registry and found her."

“Trip, she’s beautiful.” Ailynn slowly walked around the surprisingly large
bridge, the Command Chairs centre of all. She knew that she could sit in
one of those, maybe even the FO position right here, and nothing would be
said, but not like this. She’d only sit in that when she’d earned it.

"Honestly, I feel at home here. I never felt more connected to my dad, then
right here, right now." He said gripping the arm rests of the command
chair.

She continued to walk the positions, “I can see why. What happened?” She
asked, secure in the moment and their friendship.

"I was maybe 9 or 10 when they took this beauty from him. I spent all my
teenage years and the academy, just pissed off, how was I going to live up
to his legacy, be my own man when everyone expected me to be him. But, I
didn't see what was right in front of my face."

Ailynn laughed, ironically, “You and me both babes.” She recalled all those
times she’d fought Aimee, rebelling at the constraints at Fleet life. She
wanted mommy back, not understanding then what she only did right now, this
second properly.

"That while I was trying not to be him, he was living with the fact that
his dream, his legacy was sitting here, collecting dust. Which is why he
always told me that his legacy wasn't his career or his accomplishments, it
was his kids. I was too busy trying not to be him, never realized, how much
of his greatness was just sitting here, and he never got a chance to finish
it."

Ailynn finished her mini tour around the Bridge, running her hand over the
back of the chair, and onto Trip’s shoulder, where she let it rest. There
had never been any trace of romance between them, ~that would be weird~ but
they shared feelings so closely that she understood how those in similar
positions mistook it for sexual attraction.

“That’s why it’s us here…isn’t it.”

"Yeah, a second chance."

“Dammit Trip, I know you’ve grown up as I have, seeing the same looks on
your Family’s faces as I’ve seen on Mum’s, Dale’s and Gran’s. You knew,
even as I did, that things were going wrong, you knew. We fought back.
Ashamed of our legacies. Hiding…our names…” She motioned around herself.
“75 percent done? You know that 25 percent is mostly our realization that
we can’t be those kids anymore? It’s our realization that we have to stop
avoiding, and embrace who we actually damn well are?”

Trip smiled as he got up and walked over to the center of the bridge
looking out at the silent, dark view screen.

"Lynn," he said as he smiled and turned to his friend, "Other than my
sister, you're the oldest friend I got, and without Rae, may she rest in
peace, you are the best friend I have."

Smiling gently as she took in the surroundings, she carried on listening.

"And you're right, we have to embrace who we are, grow up and be the people
we are supposed to be. But the incident, man, the Starfleet that we have
been commissioned into, it is a loss of innocence for us. We'll never be
able to go through life anymore believing in the perfection of what the
Federation used to stand for. Because it doesn't exist."

She was only partly gratified, there was an edge to his voice. “It can, it
can again. It takes work…and new ideas, us.”

"The Federation is broken, but you are right, a bunch of us fresh faced
babies running around here... I believe the bull the admiral is selling.
What we do here matters, and we can't pretend anymore everything is fine."

Ailynn shrugged, agreeing, but there was something about him. “But…”

"But I can't keep lying to myself anymore." Trip returned to the command
chair and sat down. "I'm broken, I tried to keep a brave face for a year,
but I am broken. When Rae died, when she died, I felt everything she was
feeling. I was in telepathic contact with her when she died, and I felt
every single damn emotion, the pain, the fear, the rage, all of it, as if
it was my own. I felt my best friend, the person who I spent three years
pretending wasn't my soul mate, pining for someone else. Years I'll never
get back. And now I have to move on. I have to fix myself."

Ailynn sighed. There were few, none even that she could admit to what she
was about to say to him. “Least you have it in you to love. I don’t believe
for a second that ‘only one for you’ nonsense, that’s not how relationships
work.” She sighed bitterly, “At least you have it in you to love, or be
loved damn it – what the hell did I do? why can’t some guy or girl love me
for who I am.. quit wallowing, at least you’ve felt that level of emotion.
She slipped off the counsellors chair, unaware that she had even sat on it,
slipping onto the floor. “Why am I so lonely. The hell did I do to be left
alone?” Tears ran down her face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that…”
Her temper had snapped, and it had opened her deepest insecurities.

Trip got up and walked over to Ailynn and wrapped her into a warm embrace.
He then gave her a brotherly kiss on the top of her head.

"Oh Lynnie the pooh stop, just stop. You are loved and you are capable of
being loved. I know this because I love you. Trip then backtracked when he
realized that it might have been taken the wrong way, "You know, in a non
romantic kind of way. You are family to me Lynn, and everything about you
is lovely and wonderful to me. Which is why I nicknamed you after my
favorite character from 20th century pop culture. You know, the yellow
bear."

She smiled “I remember.” She laughed, finding herself melting into his
arms. “I hated that bear. Love you though you oaf.”

"You are loved, and I'm sure someone out there will find you, and see
everything in you that I see in you. I mean hell you were my first crush,
until you shot it down. So there is at least one person in your life who
found you worthy of love and beauty."

Despite herself – despite the moment, she laughed. “You were such a pain
that year. I couldn’t go out in the garden.”

"And I know you are capable of love and caring about someone who isn't you,
because you sat with me, for 12 hours after Rae died, just there, with me,
keeping me company, so I wouldn't be alone. And I will never stop thanking
you for that."

Ailynn couldn’t say anything, she leant back in his arms, feeling their
strength encompass her. A moment, that for others could be misconstrued,
and go badly wrong.

Trip squeezed her real hard one last time and gave her another kiss on the
top of her head before letting her go.

"And it was hard for you growing up, I'm sure, because you never knew your
dad, and whenever you came over, you were exposed to the cheeziness that is
my dad and mom. I know, because I could feel it, empath, duh."

She felt a sense of jealously and shame fall on her. “I was so jealous of
you. I kinda hated you and Sy, you had what I wanted so much, and what no
one can give me, my Dad’s hugs.”

"Lynn, we're both broken, but the best part about being broken, is we're
broken together."

“We could have had this talk anywhere…what’s on your mind? I’m such a
selfish cow.” She released the hug, and wished for a coffee, but turned to
him again, “know you too well.”

"Brokeness, incompleteness, not being finished. That's what is on my mind."
He said with a laugh. He walked up the ramp, behind the command chairs and
towards the tactical console. "I want desperately to be whole again. But I
don't think I'm ever gonna get that. Not the way I want it to be, not the
way it was when I had Rae in my life."

Ailynn knew she had to tread carefully, “Trip, as much as we love, and I
miss Rae too, not as much as you obviously, but I liked her, but you can’t
dwell, go on – where’s this going?”

"I had an epiphany last night, or was it early this morning. I can't
remember, it is all a blur. Anyways, so here I was, in my quarters, after
discovering this beauty, waiting for a pretty attractive security officer
to come by my room for a casual fling. You know, little something,
something. And that isn't really my thing. Only girl I've ever been with
was Rae, even Celia and I never got that intimate. But I thought, who knows
maybe a little romp will help me put together the pieces again."

She sensed it before he said it. “Buuuut….?”

"Anyways, I should have spent my evening with you instead." Trip paused,
"Not in the way I just described, just hanging out. But I wouldn't have
figured out my epiphany. See, what I thought was gonna be a casual thing,
you know because I'm pretty damn hot, she wanted to be like a relationship,
but open, and not truly committed. You know, no labels, but emotionally
involved etc. And it's like, I've been there. You know. So I kind of sent
her home, and nothing happened. Which, is fine, because I'm not the type to
sleep around you know. I'm kind of a prude like that."

“Trip.” She spoke, picking her words carefully, “As much as we pretend to
be something other, we’re animals. And those…deepset primal urges are what
make us alive. I’ll not lie, sometimes, when the right person gives me the
right kind of hug… ” She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. “They are
denying  what makes us beasts of emotion; anger, hatred, friendship,
love…passion.” She raised an eyebrow once more, “Especially passion”

Trip shrugged off her comment. He was normally pretty extroverted and not
what would be called shy, but sometimes when it came to physical intimacy
he had a tendency to chicken out.

 "Anyways," Trip added changing the subject back to his original point, "it
got me thinking, you know, because I couldn't sleep. Why did I want that,
why did I act out of character, did I really just need it, or was I filling
a hole. And you know what, yeah, I am. I need something Lynn, I need
something to make me feel complete again, and I wasn't sure who or what
that is. I haven't been whole since I lost Rae, I miss her support, her
voice, her presence in my head." He said as he pointed to his temple. "So
how can I fix my brokenness, if I don't even know how to plug that hole.
And I realized the answer was right under my nose, and had been with me the
whole time."

Trip walked back over to Lynn and put his arm around her shoulders to were
the two were parallel.

"I need to finish what my father started, I need to complete this project,
complete the Exeter prototype. I need to bring my father's vision to
completion. That is what will make me whole. Something not about me,
something greater than me, something I can pour my life into. Where I can
give time, energy, and life too, but am not trying to fill the emotional
void of who isn't here. It's a project, a labor of love, and it is my way
of slowly fixing myself, bringing hope to a broken world. That the past and
what has been left undone, what has been left behind can be whole again."

She stood, comforted in the embrace, listening as he continued.

"Dum Spiro, Spero. It's my new motto, and a new tattoo idea. You should
totally get one with my by the way. Dum Spiro, Spero, while I breathe I
hope."

Ailynn smiled, “I like it – always wanted a tattoo actually. I’d kind of
like a hypocratic snake all around my left arm? But stylised to reflect
Bajoran mythology?"

"Lynn," he said as he turned to her, "I want you in on this with me, I mean
obviously Sy will be involved for sure, but you are my oldest, dearest, and
closest friend, and I want you with me on this every step of the way. The
value you bring to the 75% completeness that is my life is more than gold
pressed latinum. So what do you say?"

She shrugged, “I’m sure I can fit you in. “I mean, we’re rebuilding an
entire base, reforging connections with local hospitals and the nearby
town, I have an hour or two here and there.” She nudged him with her
shoulder. “I’m in, idiot, you don’t have to ask.”

"Good, because I know absolutely nothing about what it takes to get a
shipboard medical facilities up and running."

(End Flashback)

That day, that moment, it was a turning point for them. When Starfleet got
their act together Trip didn't have to worry about finishing the ship, they
did it for him, Then they gave it to him. That promise he made with Ailynn
on that morning came true, and for her maiden voyage, Trip had Ailynn as
his First Officer. They saw it true. The Exeter, his role there, it was a
reminder of what could happened when he stopped running from who he was and
embraced. And yes he had lost his Imzadi, but he found his soul mate, he
found Ash. He was not as broken as he feared then, he gave the time and the
attention into becoming whole. He was happy, he was content. His only fear
now was whether or not the Unicorn blanket was enough to stave off a two
year olds Tantrum.

~Well, the Exeter getting finished was one miracle, so hopefully this
blanket is another.~

(reply none)
(posted by Will and 2019 Mark)
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