EXETERRPG: (18 - 2230) MS - FO Lt(sg) Ailynn Bracken & CSO Erin Cortez

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: The flames of purity

Day: 18

Stardate: 2445.09.18

(USS Exeter - Personal Quarters - FO Lt(sg) Ailynn Bracken and CSO Erin
Cortez - 2230)


Walking up to the door, Erin paused for a moment. After her conversation
with the bar manager, Caity, she had been rattled. Hearing how broken
Ailynn had looked, she knew that something had to give.

Knowing that her friend had been there through one of her darkest times,
she was determined to be there for Ailynn. Having said that, she also knew
that this would not be an easy conversation.

If it was one thing she knew about Ailynn, it was getting her to talk about
something that was on her mind was a nigh impossible task. So, Erin had
hatched a plan.

Pressing the comm panel by the door, she waited for a moment.

Ailynn had just sat back, just wanting a quiet hour or so to herself. ,
she’d just finished clearing up from the evening with Trip, Ash and Ronnie,
and had just pulled off her dress and crashed back into the couch

“Bugger off.”

Sighing, Erin pressed it again, "Ailynn, open up."

On a level she knew that Erin was a friend and was worried, and that did
touch her heart slightly, but still. “I don’t suppose if I said that I was
asleep you’d leave me alone?”

"I can sit here all night if it takes that long. So, either open the door
or be prepared to listen to me singing through the comm all night long."

“Bloody hell you’re persistent. Enter.” Ailynn called out, standing up to
greet her friend. SHe looked a mess, she knew, but at the moment didn’t
care.

Pulling her friend into a gentle hug, Erin's face remained stoic but her
mind was shocked at the sight of her friend.

"How are you doing?"

She welled up. “I’ve...been better, long evening.” She pulled herself
together. “So, did you just come by or did someone grass.” She was trying
not to be testy, but she was emotional and tired, things that people who
knew her, knew to avoid.

"I came by to see my friend. Does it matter why?" She replied sitting on
the couch. Patting the seat next to her,  she continued,  "park your ass
down, miss Bracken and tell the truth. Because I can see you are holding
back."

Ailynn sighed. “Okaaaayyyy. Let me grab a quick shower and put some clothes
on.”

Stepping through into her bathroom she undressed and stepped in the shower.
Washing the grime of the last day or so away. Afterward, she pulled on the
gym kit that she habitually wore while she was just relaxing, and then
stepped back through to the lounge.

“Sorry.” she said as she sat down.

"No apologies needed. Just talk to me."

“I’m not great Erin. the last few hours have been...where do I start.” She
paused, and drew breath. “I killed two people Erin. One of them was brutal.
I’ve broken the most cherished vow I’ve taken.”

Erin took a deep breath to allow her a moment to collect her thoughts.
"Were you in danger? Both times?"

“That’s a matter of open opinion. No, and yes.”

"I know. I get that. Listen, I'm not one of those to sit here and tell you
it will all be fine. That it will get better or easier. Heard that way too
many times in the last year or so.

It hurts. It never leaves you, even when it wasn't your hand that did it.
For you, it's different."

“More different than you know.” She hadn’t even mentioned the prophets yet.

Sighing, Erin looked at her friend, "Ailynn, you know what happened to me.
What I went through. You were there for all of it but even now there are
things that you don't know. Things I haven't told you.

I understand what you are feeling more than you can possibly imagine. "

“I’m not sure you do...at least not in the same way. I know what you went
through.”Ailynn retorted gently.

Biting her lip to stop a retort that she knew would not help the matter,
Erin stayed quiet thinking. She knew that Ailynn meant nothing by it but
she was wrong. She didn't know truly.

“Erin...we’re both scientists. If I were to tell you that I had a
conversation with one of the prophets and saw the emissary, then I rather
think you’d understand what I’m dealing with. The second one I didn’t just
kill, I damned his soul to eternal imprisonment in the fire caves.” Her
patience was getting pushed, and her tone snippy.

"His soul or the Pah Wraith's? Two separate things and, if we are being
honest, you were wrong."

Ailynn opened her mouth to answer but Erin carried on.

"Medically, you know what I went through. You don't know what I still go
through so don't try to walk a mile in my shoes until you do."

“It was both of them. His soul and the wraith had become utterly linked. To
leave him the option of resting in peace would be to leave a doorways back
through. Also, don’t presume to tell me what I don’t understand. I removed
that thing. I read every counselling session that you had. I UNDERSTAND A
LOT MORE THAN ANYONE GIVES ME BLOODY CREDIT FOR.”

"DO YOU? YOU DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING! There were things I never told
anyone. Things that I kept buried.

Then there's the thought of what I did to you and to Ensign Frost."

“DON’T YOU BLOODY DARE! ALL OF YOUR ACTIONS WEREN’T YOURS. YOU WERE
CONTROLLED. MINE WERE A DIRECT ACT BY MY HAND.”

Knowing something was coming from deep inside Ailynn, Erin stayed quiet.
She could sense the breakthrough, almost physically. To her, it was like
looking into a mirror.

“THE PROPHET TOOK THE FORM OF MY FATHER OKAY? THE ONE THING THAT I ALWAYS
WANTED I GOT, AND I CHOSE TO COME BACK, I WISH I’D NOT WOKEN UP.

~and there it is~ she thought to herself as she took a breath. ~that's what
she was keeping from us. The fact she chose to come back rather than stay
with her father.~

She collapsed. “And now I’m screaming at my best friend. I wish I was dead.”

Dropping to her side, Erin pulled her friend into a close embrace and held
her close, not saying a word.

Ailynn felt Erin's arms envelope her and pull her in. The damn that she'd
built up over the last day, two days, longer, broke. Her breath came in
gasps. "I'm sorry for shouting." Her voice was at best a whisper, but she
hadn't the breath to speak properly.

"Shout at me all you want you silly woman. It's what I am here for."

Ailynn said nothing, the comfort of Erin's hug slowly calming her down.

"Look, I said most of that to provoke you. You needed to say it. Saying it
is the first step in admitting what happened. "

"I should be happy, and in part I am, its just that it hit me at the same
time as everything else."

"A, listen. I wasn't lying when I said that there were things I never said
in those sessions. Things I keep buried. It wasn't just the fact Dulon took
me over and basically used my body like a shuttle craft, it's what he left
in here…"  she tapped her head, "... that's the problem. "

Ailynn nodded slowly. "You got him."

"I got him, his memories. Every single person he experimented on, everyone
he killed either directly or indirectly. I see them. What he did. I hear
them in the dead of night sometimes. Screaming. Then… there's Remae."

"Remae?"

Erin nodded. "I have some of him in here too." Erin closed her eyes,

"When I allow myself to think about it, I see both sides of what happened
to him. I see Dulon doing what he did, feel his anger and revulsion at
Admiral Remae.

Then, I see the other side, I feel the pain,  the terror, the thought that
he would never see his wife again…."

"Erin...I'm such a cow. How horrible for you."

"So, whilst I may not have taken a life… in some ways I have. I see them
most nights. The hundreds of them."

"I can't begin to understand what you're going through. I'm so sorry." She
paused for thought. "I've got counselling beginning tomorrow. I need help,
and not just from my best friend."

"Hunny, I told you that because you need to know that there is someone here
you can say anything to. Trust me, it wouldn't be anything I probably
haven't thought myself.

I didn't say it for your sympathy. "

Ailynn took a bite of sandwich, and after chewing and swallowing, spoke
once more.

"I know. I...look terrible don't I." It wasn’t a question, more Ailynn
giving Erin permission to be honest. Which she knew she would anyway."

"Honestly? You look like someone who has had to sit through the Klingon
opera version of one of Trip's speeches." She replied with a wink.

Laughing gently, Ailynn finished off her sandwich. Then almost as an
afterthought, she twisted over her left forearm.

"You notice this?"

Furrowing her brow,  Erin glanced at the design that was now on her closest
friend's arm, "what in…. How…"

Ailynn shook her head. " Erin, since we met we've seen each other in
various states of undress, nights out, beaches you name it. Have you ever
seen that tattoo before?"

"Never. At least it's smaller than mine."

"I didn't have it when I left for the mission. The prophets put it there as
a lesson on how to move forward and defeat the wraith. Just one more reason
I'm so rattled."

"I can imagine. Having never met the prophets, I would be rattled.
Although, given what happened with Dulon… I'm not sure they would want to
meet me."

"It's ancient Bajoran." She explained the meaning. " Its telling me I had
to be a medic and a fighter. Both sides of the coin. Or a fulcrum in
between." She sighed deeply. "Kinda scared"

Smiling softly,  Erin put a gentle hand on her friend's face, "A wise man
once told me that the universe must have balance. For every dark, there
must be a light. You be that light. That's what I think it means."

Ailynn smiled, leaning on her friend's shoulder. "No pressure then."

"None at all. Look at it this way, you have the prophets on your side. I
have no cosmic entity in my corner."

"Look. You got me. Erin... I...don't want to be alone." She spoke gently,
squeezing Erin's hand. "Do you mind staying? I'll stay on my side. We can
have a movie and popcorn, and slob in PJ's"

Smiling widely,  Erin nodded, "We could just act like kids and build a
pillow fort, watch movies with popcorn and ice cream?"

"Sounds great." She rested her head on Erin's shoulder again. "You're such
a good friend. I'm so lucky."

"Nah, you're just the poor person who got stuck with the crazy Hispanic
woman as a friend. Sorry about that. "

"No fair. I'm the neurotic one." She stuck her tongue out at her friend.

"Besides." Ailynn continued. "Pity the poor soul who tries dating me."

A thought crept into Erin's mind, something she had gleaned from a
conversation earlier that day. Allowing herself a little smile, she kept
her thoughts to herself knowing that her friend needed her rather than
anything else.

Her friend that had seen her at her worst and helped her. Now it was her
turn to return the debt that she felt could never be repaid.

As the evening grew to a close, Ailynn slowly began the long journey toward
becoming more like her true self. It would be long, and arduous. But she
knew that with the support she had, she'd pull through.

(Reply none)

(Posted by Jackie and Mark)
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://startrekfreedom.com/pipermail/exeter-rpg_startrekfreedom.com/attachments/20201031/cb64cff7/attachment-0001.html>