EXETERRPG: (18 - 2000) - SS - FO Lt(sg) Ailynn Bracken and 9D Manager Caity DuBois

[Mark Howard]

Mission: The flames of purity

Day: 18

Stardate: 2445.09.18

(USS Exeter - FO Lt(sg) Ailynn Bracken and 9D Manager Caity Dubois - 2000)

Standing at the bar, Caity watched the variety of people that had wandered
through for a day or two. Some had been celebrating the return of the crew
and some had been drowning their sorrows, either after being themselves
kidnapped or the loss of one of their own.

Offering words of commiseration or encouragement had become second nature
to her. Wiping down the bar, she turned back and began to restock the
glasses.

Ailynn exited the turbolift, having been discharged from sickbay. The
weight of her experiences over the last few days, her physical demeanour
was weak, tired, and her shoulders, back and all her joints hurt. She
needed sleep, to begin to get over the physical.

The mental would take a lot more.

She had been referred to compulsory counselling, and Ailynn had no
intention of missing it. She knew this time that she needed help.

She was lonely, confused, terribly scared, and her meeting a prophet had
badly badly shaken her, as had it’s form and it’s message.

Entering Nine and Dine, Ailynn simply wanted a decent sandwich, reaching
the bar, she sat on one of the barstools with a groan of pain, and
exhaustion. The weight of the world palpable on her shoulders.

She looked up at the reflection of herself in the bar mirror opposite, and
was horrified to see how she looked. Or she would have been, if she cared.

Looking at the reflection in the glass infront of her, Caity's heart
skipped a beat. Seeing someone who had once been so proud and strong
looking so weary, it hurt her heart.

Something had obviously happened to the First officer. Something bad and
she took a breath before fixing a smile in her face and turning around,
"Steak sandwich and a glass of red for the lady?"

“Only if it’s a pint glass.” Ailynn sighed, wishing that she could raise a
semblance of herself, and failing horribly.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen. Not in this bar. Fruit juice?"

Ailynn sighed. “You’re right. Just a fruit juice.” She shrugged. “The
orange.” Her hand trembled slightly as she raised it to point to a jug.

Noticing the shake but not wanting to acknowledge it, Caity poured her an
orange juice. Fighting back the nagging feeling in the back of her mind,
she handed her the glass, "So, I am not going to go with the trite how are
you doing. Why don't you tell me why you came into the bar rather than hide
in your quarters?"

Ailynn looked up, and opened her mouth a few times to try to answer. She
had nothing.


“Honestly?” She managed eventually, “I haven’t ruled it out. I’m tired of
being alone, but I used to not mind being in my own space, now though, I’m
terrified of being around anyone, because I know that they’re all judging
me for what I’ve done.” She felt her eyes fill, and a tear run down her
cheek. “Also though I don’t want to be on my own because that’s when I
start thinking again, dwelling.” More tears ran down her face. “I’m so
scared.”

Seeing the pain in her face, Caity's heart sank. Resisting the urge to pull
her into a hug, hold her and tell her that everything would be alright, she
simply stopped and listened.

She held out her hand. “Look.” her hand still shook. “I’m a bloody brain
surgeon...or I was.”

Taking the shaking hand gently, Caity replied simply, "You still are."

Caity’s hand was warm, and had a strength about them that only came from
doing a manual job like she did. For the briefest of moments her spirits
lifted, before sinking again.

"I don't feel anything like it anymore."

Letting go of the hand, she sighed, "Look, I don't know what happened.
Haven't heard anything but I can tell you what I see."

Ailynn nodded, and motioned to the mirror before speaking gently with a sad
smile. "I can see what I look like, but let's hear it."

"I see someone struggling with the weight of something they had to do.
Someone who desperately wants to talk but doesn't know how and I see
someone who,  for the first time in a long time, feels lost."

"I've always known what I wanted." Ailynn answered. "Knew what I had to do
to get it. And now, I've done something, lots of somethings that go against
everything that I stood for. I've experienced things that I'm not sure I
understand or believe even happened. I've been lost before, but I don't
even…" she shrugged again.

"What? Don't even know who you are anymore?"

"Sounds about right." She answered, taking a sip of her juice. "Which is
good, because I cant associate myself with a murderer."

Caity paused for a split second. Not knowing what to say, she took a deep
breath and thought for a moment.

"You maybe many things. A murderer? No. Whatever happened, and you don't
have to say, happened. Now, what you do next is up to you. Do you wallow or
do you fight on.

If you ask me, you fight. Because the woman I see before me doesn't strike
me as someone who gives up easily."

Ailynn wasn't ready for this. As much as Caity was a great bar manager, and
was fun to talk to, Ailynn didn't know her.

"Look. I'm not being snippy, but can I get the sandwich to go? I'm...not
ready"

Caity wrapped the sandwich and handed it to her, "I'm sorry if I spoke out
of turn. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm always here for a friendly ear
if you ever need it."

"Maybe." Ailynn sighed. We'll see." Realising that she had been off with
the other woman, Ailynn spoke quietly. “Thank you Caity”, she then picked
up the foil wrapped sandwich and nodding a thanks, left the bar. Headed
toward the empty shell that her quarters had become.

(Reply none)

(Posted by Mark and Jackie (SPC))
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