EXETERRPG: (2 - 1515) MS - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez & Counselor Jack Roberts

[Jaclyn Smith]

Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express

Day: 2

Stardate: 2445.12.02



(USS Exeter - Counselling office - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez  & Counselor Jack
Roberts  - 1515)

Walking into the counseling suite, Erin sighed. ~wow, it's been a hot
minute since I was last here. Seems I spend half my time here. ~ she
thought to herself as she walked towards the receptionist.

"Lieutenant Cortez to see Counselor Roberts."

The young man looked up at her and regarded her for a moment. "Okay, you
can go straight in. He's expecting you."

Erin nodded and headed towards the door, pausing for a moment. ~And here we
go again. Well, best foot forward girl. ~ she thought to herself as she
walked through the door.

"Lieutenant Cortez. I believe you are expecting me?"

“I am Lieutenant, please take a seat.” He said motioning for her to sit.

"Thankyou. " Erin replied as she sat opposite him.

“Now then, what are you thinking right now?”

Smiling a little, Erin took a breath, "That I am here because I have been
requested to be and I really don't need to be."

“Oh?”

"I used to do your role as you probably know so I am not deliberately being
obtuse. I won't lie and say that I am fine. The death of Commander Nix hit
me for personal reasons. He was a good man, despite what some may think of
him. But, personally,  I am actually okay."



“Let’s start there. Being investigated is not getting to you?” He said
scribbling notes.

"It's not that it isn't getting to me. I am concerned about it but is it
bothering me? Not a lot. I am more worried about the fact that we have a
murderer on board. That and I have been made aware that, because of my
association with Commander Nix, I may be a target."

“Why would you think you’d be a target, but say the captain or first
officer not. Would you place yourself higher as a target than them?” He
continued to take notes.

"Firstly, those were not my words. Our chief tactical officer seemed to
think I would be a target because I slept with the commander.  Secondly, I
don't place myself higher than them. Not at all. They would be a more
strategic target and also, harder to get to."

“Do you think it is a little odd that you are this calm, being a potential
murder suspect?”

"Odd, perhaps. But I don't think I truly am a suspect. I also know I didn't
kill him. I had no reason to. He showed me that I am worthy of things that
I previously did not think I was. If anything, I owe him more than I can
repay him. Especially now."

"What do you mean?"

"I wasn't in a good place when we talked. I was hiding behind my past. He
saw that, told me so plainly. He showed me that I was worthy of intimacy."

“Why do you think he showed such interest in you?”

"Honestly,  I don't know. Maybe he saw something in me that I couldn't.
Although he did say I had a good ass. " she replied, smiling at the memory.

"Did you have a chance to reconnect with him before he died?"

"Not in that way. We talked. We hadn't seen each other since that night.
Him doing the job he does… sorry, did, he left before I woke up.

So, when I saw him again, time had passed. I was a better person and am in
a relationship now. He asked.. " Erin smiled slightly at the memory, "...
for round two. His words exactly. "

"Do you think he might still be alive if you had taken him up on his offer?"

Raising an eyebrow,  Erin stayed silent for a moment. The thought had
honestly not occurred to her. "I hadn't honestly thought about it in that
way. Now that you mention it, possibly."

Jack nodded.

"If I had taken his offer, not only would it have not been right, I could
have been… well, in the same place he is now too." She sighed, her mind now
whirring with the possibility of could she have saved him.

"But do you think maybe he could have been reaching out to a friendly
person? Maybe just someone to be around?"

"Perhaps. But there are better ways to ask then propositioning someone for
sex."

“True, but then again, did he know the reasons that led you to say no
existed before your conversation?”

"No." Erin sighed. "I knew going into it that it was just about that night.
I never held any ill will towards him. Not in the slightest."

"Did you tell anyone else about that night? That it was only a one time
thing?"

"I… told one person. Why?"

"I ask because the rumor mill is that apparently the manager of the Nine
and Dine accused Commander Tyko sleeping with you and then disappearing.
Usually when someone is ok with a situation they don't describe it to their
peers in such negative language. "

"I told one person. However, the rumor mill that is Starfleet must have
been at full power because it seems that people on Mars found out. People
make their own judgments. I did not describe it in any particular way, in
fact, I may have said, to that person,  that I found him enigmatic. "

"How did that make you feel? Waking up and seeing that was gone?"

Erin smiled. ~I can see where this is going~

"I wasn't angry. Surprised a little. I had hoped to say goodbye but I knew
this was not a stay for breakfast situation. He left flowers and a note."

Jack nodded.

"Do you feel he might have used you?"

"In what way exactly? I walked into that with my eyes open. In some ways,
we used each other."

"I guess my concern is, that you seem to be showing minimal signs of grief
over the death of a man you owed something to. Not to mention you use the
formal title of Commander yet use his given name of Nix rather than his
family name. Commander Nix when the appropriate way would be Commander
Tyko. Do you think you are maybe a bit too emotionally detached?"

"I grieve. Don't think because I am calm about it that I don't. I choose to
grieve in my own way on my own terms. Everyone grieves differently. I would
rather keep my personal feelings about his death to myself. Only I know
what he meant to me fully. So, please,  don't think that I am emotionally
detached just because I am not breaking down."

Jack scribbled some more notes. ~Her reputation for getting defensive way
to easily appears to be accurate.~

"I don't think you're emotionally detached because you're not breaking
down. There are many ways to grieve many of which don't involve breaking
down. But it's one thing to feel it and another to acknowledge it. Just
needed to hear you say it. Sometimes we need let that feeling out in the
open." Jack checked the notes he had copied from her file. "Especially when
we have a history of running from our trauma."

"I'm sorry. I reacted. It's a work In progress. I get defensive and I know
I shouldn't. If I am being honest, part of me knows that there is
somethings that I need to acknowledge, especially with regards to Nix and
his death. It's hard to allow myself to so that sometimes. It was one
night. yes it freed me and allowed me to be who I am and be with the person
I am now. I haven't allowed myself to process it. I mean I barely have had
time to do that. It's less than 24 hours ago. I have been so focused on
what I can do to help that I probably should have been looking at how I am
reacting to this."

"That's important. We have to let ourselves feel."

"Oh I know. Not easy when you have a full department reporting to you."

Jack took a PADD and typed in an order. "You're officially off duty, per
counseling mandate, for the next 24 hours. Use them to figure out your
feelings."

Erin sighed,  "I knew this was coming. To be honest, it's a relief. One
thing i don't want to do is go back to how i was."

“And why is that?”

"I am not that woman anymore. I don't want to hide."

“I’m assuming that you aren’t under surveillance?”

"Not that I know."

“You should take some time for the spa, or go on a hike in the holodeck. Or
however you feel you best process emotions.”

"Spa doesn't seem like me. I do like to hike but archery is my thing."

“So, back to where we started. Given your close nature with Commander Tyko,
does it bother you that people think you could have killed him.”

"People judge. It's just a fact of nature. Whether it's race or belief. So,
in answer to your question, it does a little. "

"Well let's go deeper on that. How does it make you feel?"

"It hurts that people think I could be capable of that. Taking someone's
life… it's brutal. I'm not that person."

“But you’ve felt that kind of person in your mind, haven’t you?”

Erin sighed. "You read my file so obviously you know what I have had
happen."

Jack nodded.

"I won't lie and say I haven't felt that. Some of my own feelings but the
worst time I felt that was Dulon. He had so much rage, so much anger in him
it was hard to get back to who I was after he was removed. "

Jack leaned forward and listened intently.

"At night, when I go to sleep, i remember more of it. I see what he did in
my dreams sometimes and I feel the anger, the need to hurt people for
whatever dubious reason he felt was necessary. So yes, I have felt that
person."

"What about emanating from your own thoughts?"

"Personally? Well, if you have read my file you will know about Christian.
Did I go through a period of wanting to do to him what he did to me? Yes. I
won't deny that. But I realised that it wouldn't change what happened,
wouldn't change who I am today."

"Have you ever felt like acting on that anger towards others?"

Erin smiled softly, "No. Never. It's not in me to do that. I know that in
my heart."

Jack nodded.

"Is there anything else you want to cover?"

"Have you ever blacked out? With long periods of time unaccounted for?"

"Since Dulon? No. Why do you ask?"

"Just curiosity." He said taking notes. "Anything else you'd like to add?"

"No. I will take your recommendation and take some time. That I can promise
you."

"It's not a recommendation. It's mandatory."

"Poor Choice of words on my part."

"Take care Lieutenant."

Erin stood, nodded, "Thankyou."

(Reply none)

(Posted by Will and Jackie)
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