ILLUMINARRPG: Illuminarrpg: (3- 2030) FO Commander Sienna Williams-Verin and CTO Ensign T.Mur

[Al Muir]

NRPG: Minor PG-13 warning.


RPG:


Mission:  A Cure Delayed

Day: 3

Stardate: 2445.10.27


(Vulcan - ShiKahr- Luxury Suites- CTO Ensign T’Mur and FO Commander Sienna Williams-Verin- 2030)


It had been a long afternoon of medical business that ran late. Sienna was dressed in a colorful Betazoid silk sundress, her long dark hair up in a crown braid to expose the tattoo of a queen of hearts playing card on the base of her neck. She had left the thin caftan she had to wear during the heat of the Vulcan sun. In her hand was a basket with an excellent bottle of vulcan wine, finger foods and 2 glasses.


Sy hit the signal to request access to T'Mur's room. They had spent several nights just talking, and Sienna wanted to take it further, but was unsure of the timing. T'Mur was not at all healed from the emotional damage, let alone the physical issues that affected her. Sienna was very careful not to use her position to force anything on T'Mur but her friendship.  T'Mur was the kind to isolate herself when she most needed a friend.  And the women on the ship were determined not to leave T'Mur out of the circle


When the door chime rang T’Mur had been meditating. It had been a long and tiring day. The tests were thorough, and at times painful.  They were designed to test the depth of the damage to her system. By the time they had been done her left hand tremor was the worst it had ever been. No amount of concentration could still it. This was the direction her body was headed if left to its own natural conclusion.


On top of the physical exhaustion was the emotional rawness. T’Mur made a conscious choice to not speak to anyone as they made their way to the Suites. She was uncertain how she would respond to even the simplest question. Sienna’s looks of concern were almost more than she could bear. As soon as she was behind the safety of her room's door she had slid to the floor, buried her face into her hands and allowed herself to cry. There was a time limit. She allowed herself five minutes to release the emotional energy before she began to rebuild her emotional barriers.


Now, with herself in control, she allowed the door to open, already knowing who it would be. Sekal would have known to give her her solitude. The others would not have understood her stress. But Sienna knew. She just could not let it go on without intervening. T’Mur was uncertain if she were pleased to see Sienna, or distressed. She didn’t know if she had the strength to hold onto her emotional sanity.


Of course she was wearing a colorful dress that was pleasing to the eye. Compared to T’Mu'rs own plain leggings and tank top that she wore, functional not aesthetic. She stood up in the middle of the room as the first officer swept in. T’Mur simply nodded, opened her mouth to speak, but words did not come out.   So she stood attempting her best stoic stance.


Sienna sat the basket down, "We have about 3 hours before they require you fasting, so I took the ship's credit card and got us some wine. I need it and you do too. T'Mur, I have told you that I try really hard not to use my Betazoid abilities but I have not told you why. I can't drink most alcohols, but Vulcan and Betazoid wines I can. And." Sy cast her dark eyes down, "You are so loud right now that you are fraying the edges of my control. Shall we talk my friend?" It was no secret on the ship that their FO preferred company with women and it was rumored she had never spent time with the guys. Sienna expected rejection so she began to unpack the basket rather than face it.


Sienna was visibly nervous and this was unlike her.


T’Mur swallowed hard. Their conversations over the past week had bordered on intimate. T’Mur was uncertain if she were really able to be sexually intimate. She had so many issues to work through. In the academy she was always a loner. Her roommate was the one who forced her to socialize, logically stating that it was part of the academy to learn how to be social with other species. That was an impossible point to argue against. But still, as Andrea would say, in a room full of people T’Mur was alone.


Men had approached her but found her emotional distance disturbing and she quickly got a reputation. Soon people left her alone. Which she had told herself was what she wanted. But if she were honest what she wanted was someone to connect with. She had missed out with a familial connection when her assault caused an unsatisfactory reaction to her Pon Farr. Something she had not discussed with anyone.


Now, here was Sienna, beautiful Sienna, as beautiful in body as in her khatra, offering her a friendship that she didn’t feel worthy of. She wanted to run over and embrace her.   But she could not, she wasn’t ready for that level, yet.  However she released her body from its rigid stoicness and simply sat on the floor beside the small coffee table.


“Pour the wine,” she said, “and let’s talk.”


Sienna was not as much a fan of sitting on the floor, so she grabbed a cushion before kneeling, popping the cork and pouring the sparkling amber wine.  T’Mur accepted the glass.  She was, by no means, an aficionado of wine, but she had helped her parents make some purchases for their business, so she knew some of the steps.  “Wine was not just a beverage, it was an experience,” her father would say.


She held the glass to her face and smelled the fruity aroma.  Then she took a small sip.  She quickly rubbed her nose as the bubbles tickled it.  She looked at Sienna who was having her own, more personal experience with the wine.


Sy looked over, her eyes meeting T'Murs for a moment.  "There are finger foods in the basket. Fruit, cheese, and vegetables with some spicy bean paste." She took a deep breath,  "If you could have anything right now, be any place, do anything,  what would it be?"


Not much could make T’Mur laugh, but that question was pretty close.  She did allow a smile, that lit up her face. Then she controlled her humor.  “Under the current circumstances, I believe this would be the place I would be.  If I were not here for medical reasons… I believe I would still enjoy being exactly where I am.  Although being on Vulcan holds some hard memories for me, it is the people that I am with that make me want to be here.”


She paused for a moment then went on, “And if I am going to be honest with you, the one thing that I would want to have, right now, under current circumstances, is someone that accepts me for who I am, no matter what I have done or I have been through.  I suppose I want a friend.”


She thought about the last few nights, talking with Sienna, and feeling their closeness, then she added, “And perhaps a bit more.”  Her cheeks turned a slight green at her embarrassment at the honesty of her answer.



In order to take the attention away from herself for a moment, she said, “May I ask you a question?”


"You can ask me anything. I have told you that. I AM your friend and when, if you become ready, I will be here. No pressure." She smiled lightly, "Pass me some of that sweet honey fruit?"


T’Mur nodded, and reached into the basket, picking up the fragrant morsel and handed it towards Sienna.


“Why have you taken such an interest in me?” T’Mur asked blandly.  “It has been clear since my… incident, that I was not worthy of being “loved”,  I have been abandoned by family, friends… I am unclean, and impure.  This attention is uncomfortable from everyone, as I do not feel that anyone should feel that way towards me.”


Sienna nodded slightly,  "I think you are beautiful,  and … I am not long past the dissolution of my Imzadi and twin bond. I was in terrible pain for months. Captain Sekal covered for me and he found the mind healer to come and help me. My parents are wonderful people, but my father always cared for my twin brother more. Trip, my twin. He left me behind. He did not seem to understand that his finding his mate grated along the open bond. They were both one way, mostly.  My brother chose my Imzadi to be his first officer.  And she decided we were better off as friends.  I could not handle the enforced intimacy and moved from Mars to the Illuminar."


Sienna's hand shook as she drank, not really tasting it. "We are not that dissimilar, my lovely T'Mur. I have nights, most nights, that the loneliness eats at me. That is why I spend so much time in my music."


"In my deepest heart, where I will never admit it to anyone… I feel betrayed by the one person I should never have been betrayed by. The same as you do. Like calls to like and I am tired of being alone."


“I understand how you’re feeling“ said T’Mur.  “As you know I have had conversations wit Luma. She is an intriguing conversationalist. She is discreet with her indiscretions. She has likened us to two damaged people.”


She paused and drained her glass. She was not looking for courage but time. She was stalling. But she knew if she didn’t say something now she may not have the opportunity later. Tears began to fill her eyes. She wanted to control the emotional flood and at the same time she wanted to let it go.


“I want to tell you something,” she began.  “ I am afraid. I am afraid of what it’s going to be like after my treatment. I am afraid I will not be able to say what I want to say now. I’m afraid that after my treatment I will not be able to say what I want to say. I understand my fear is real.”


~Still stalling T.  This is more difficult than it seemed it should be.~


Suddenly she reached out and touched Sienna’s cheek.  She gently stroked her blushing cheek with her thumb, then reached up and began to stroke the line of her ear.


“I wanted to do that before it became… awkward,” she said looking into those deep dark eyes that were like staring into obsidian pools.


Sienna's breath caught in her throat and she found herself struggling to control her empathy so she did not project.  "You may do as you wish. Touch, kiss. Just talk. I will come with you tomorrow and then visit daily. I doubt they will let me stay the entire time. T'Mur… You do not have to be the perfect vulcan with no emotions.  You just have to be you. " Sy shifted herself so that she laid her head in T'Mur's lap so that she could see the tattoo. This was the best compromise. Physical even intimate contact without crossing to sexual.


"When you are ready to come to my bed, I will welcome you. Q… you heard we had a visit by him? He took me to old earth, during the third war, and he gave me my imzadi. I was a cop, going undercover to figure out a drug and trafficking ring at a shelter that should have been

safe. I kept the abilities for a few weeks. I could see glimpses of the future, true ones. And I could sense memories in objects.  Q "fixed" my dna so I would not need the anti rejection meds in order to survive. I had a blood disorder incompatibility." She elaborated. "Twin got early dementia and I got my two sides warring with each other." She tried to make it sound light but it was not to her. "I have never been to Betazed. Experienced it only on a holodeck. So, my gorgeous girl, I envy that you know your homeworld. " Sy found herself lightly tracing circles on T'Mur's legging clad lower leg.


The contact on her leg was … distracting.  “Don’t envy it too much,” T’Mur warned. “As wondrous as people think my world is, the people are not always so wondrous. It can be a hard place to live.”


She stopped thinking of the last conversation she had with her family, who basically said that she need not bother to come back and visit. On a world of her people she had no one to connect with.


“And I am not trying to be perfect. Vulcans are not, by nature, emotionless drones. In fact their emotions run deep. We have simply set the objective of using logic over emotions for decisions. We have to see if, logically, the response we give will give us the Best result. 97.8 percent of the time an emotional response will not get the best result.”


She looked down at Sienna and noticed the tattoo.  She reached down and traced her finger over the lines of the card and then the line of the heart. “2.1 percent of the time an emotional response would have no effect that would be different than a logical response.”


Then she took the back of her hand and gently ran it down her jaw line to Sy’s chin. “The last 0.1 percent of the time the only logical response … is an emotional one.”


With that she leaned forward and gently placed her lips on Sienna’s.


Sy stilled as T'Mur kissed her. It was a different sort of kiss than she had been used to. Soft lips with an understanding behind it. Her empathy flared between them, the sexual need growing as Sy kissed T'Mur back, letting T'Mur decide when the kiss ended. Under the flare of desire came the loneliness,  and the need to connect strongly with another.


When the kiss broke, Sy's pupils were dilated and she was struggling to catch her breath from the need. While they were still touching, skin on skin, she spoke softly, telepathically::You are the most beautiful woman, inside and out. See yourself as I see you.:: Sy showed her the strong woman, the loyalty that ran so deep. How Sy watched her, and a little fragment of the fantasies and dreams that Sienna often had when resting.


Sienna had been so very careful up until now not to use her Betazoid abilities and connect mind to mind with T'Mur.  But tonight was different.  A new beginning.  She waited to see what T'Mur would do, how she would react.


T’Mur was far from experienced when it came to intimacy. After her attack she had retreated from what little intimacies that she had. But when the mind of Sienna stroked her own it started something.


Her initial response was to pull away, but she realized that she didn’t want to. She let go of her defenses and opened herself up. She saw the image that Sienna projected. It was not the frightened little girl that she usually saw herself as. She had never seen herself as the strong woman capable of giving herself freely to another.


Almost instinctively she reached back. Her hand moved to the face of the Betazoid and attached to the veins and nerve endings.   She had not allowed another to meld with her since she had originally been treated. Fear and self loathing did not permit such behavior to one who was unclean. But now, the gentle and loving flow of Sienna’s mind created an almost need. She reached back.


::My mind to your mind, your mind to mine.::


She swung her legs over Sy's prostrate body and straddled her waist. The tendrils of her own powerful mind began to penetrate through Sienna’s.  Suddenly the flow of imagery opened up and there were no secrets. T’Mur was allowing her full access to everything. Her mind was laid bare. Her childhood, demanding and controlled, the attack, the treatment of her family and others after the treatment. Then meeting Sienna and the night at the Prancing Pony.


But she was also receiving from Sienna at the same level of intimacy. She could feel her need growing matching that of the woman under her. Feel her loneliness that matched her own. And feeling that void starting to fill.


Sienna had never felt such a profound sharing before and she gave as much back. She shared what it had been like growing up in her twin's shadow, never quite enough, always failing to herself. How she had felt so deeply hurt by Trip taking Lynn Bracken from her, and how Lynn did not seem to care. The raw edged pain of the broken Imzadi bond she had lived with for almost a year. And the good things as well as the pain. The intense pleasure she had gotten out of the ability to read the psychic memories of objects. The last time she and Trip had been together, they had crawled through the Exeter's tubes and had seen the imprint of their parents dancing in engineering.  What it felt like to ride her mare through the texas countryside of her family's ranch. The chaos of dinnertime at the ranch with the fosters there.


And then there was how her body responded to T'Mur's more dominant position. Sy would have fought anyone else but with T'Mur it felt right. Such a complete sharing. She was completely mesmerized by T'Mur and was happy to be so. ::Let me stay this night. We do not need to share pleasure, just please do not send me away.:: Once T'Mur was healed, would she still want Sienna? That was Sy's fear currently.


Through the connection T’Muir could feel the fear.  It was a fear that she shared.  What would she be like, who would she be, when she had completed her treatment.  If her brain was completely healed would she still be capable of feeling what she is feeling now.  The bottom line was that she wanted to, and she felt certain that she wanted it to.


She looked deeply into the pools of Sienna’s eyes.  She reached out with her mind, delivering images of them melding into one.  But she delivered her message in words.  It was a simple message.


“Stay.”

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