EXETERRPG: (3 - 0806) MedIntern aEns Lana Wakeman

[Mark Howard]

Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express

Day:03

Stardate: 2445.12.03



(USS Exeter – Ready Room– MedIntern aEns Lana Wakeman  – 0806)





"Scared is relative I guess. But I've been frightened yeah. A few times."



“How so? You always seem so together, like super confident.” Lana said
gently, her eyes questioning.



"I guess the first was leading my first combat mission, Battle of the
Kuiper belt. Fresh out of the academy, Remae puts me in charge of the
fighter wing. I mean, damn, ya know. But we pull it off. I didn't even fly
combat, I had to quarterback it all, and pray, and hope, my tactics put my
people into position to succeed. We won, and no one died. But on our way
home, right before landing, the Ship I was on, exploded. Everyone made it
out alive, but well, Alexandra Petrova, one of the fighter wing new
recruits, who I umm, slept with the night before, almost didn't make it.
She was only on the ship because her fighter had been destroyed and I
wanted to spend time with her. Commander Bracken performed the surgery,
saved her life. But I was frightened to the core. It was my mistake, my
desire to spend time with her, a kernel of lust, that put her in danger. If
she died, it was on me. It was like a gut punch. I questioned everything
about myself. I was 22, not even a month out of the academy. What the hell
was I doing leading a fighter wing into combat. Honestly without my Sister,
Ailynn, and Ash, I don't think I bounce back."



Lana listened as the Captain spoke, her eyes gently observing and taking in
all that he said as he recounted the obvious fear, and trauma. There were a
number of thoughts that crossed her mind, but she kept all of them to
herself, this was an ideal time to learn, and help understand trauma, and
how to deal with it.



"Then there was the second battle of Wolf 359. We lost good men that day.
It was, it was, it was like everything going at warpspeed. Hitting you from
every angle. But we won. That wasn't the scary part. It was looking the
family members of those we lost in the eyes, and telling them, that..."
Trip paused, "That there loved ones weren't coming home. It took a lot
of....well, I had to get myself pumped up to follow through. I was almost
to frightened to do it. Ailynn and Ash had to hold me hands just to get me
through it. I guess I have some more calls to make. It never gets easier.
It never does."



“I’ve heard of that battle. Heard some stories from some of the flyboys. I
was never sure how much was flighter jock talk and how much was true.” Lana
half smiled, in a sad, refrained manner.



"But I guess the time more relatable to your predicament was when after a
cage match, I used to do mixed martial arts, I got jumped in an alleyway
and almost died. Multiple stab wounds. Ailynn....she was the one who saved
my life. Man, bleeding out at 20...Yeah I was scared. But my people, my
family, my twin, Ailynn, Ash. They got me through it, everytime. I owe a
lot to Ailynn Bracken."



“I heard the Commander’s name a lot, seems you owe her a lot.” She
grimaced. “That...like...didn’t come out right. She has your back is what I
meant.” she waved her hand in the air vaguely. “You know what I meant.”



(reply Trip)



“So like...It’s okay to be totally scared? But like...It’s the way we come
to terms with it afterwards, and how we deal with our trauma that’s more
important than the fear itself?”



(Reply Trip)



“It does help a little.” she sighed gently, then caught his gaze. “You
know, Maxine asked me if I thought I was any good, forced me to admit that
my mother never appreciated anything of my work and disapproved of what I
was doing. I know the truth though. You’ve taught me that whatever it was
she disapproved of, is rather irrelevant, and...that I did...like...do have
value.”



(Reply Trip)



(posted by Will)
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