Exeter Compile 43 Dates: March 16 to March Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express, Day 3 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express Day: 3 Stardate: 2445.12.03 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< (USS Exeter – Sickbay - Tac/Sec Ens. Stan More - 01:31 ) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – ACMO – Ensign Dural Methor DrPH – 0133) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – FO Cmdr Ailynn Bracken – 0134) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – Tac/Sec Ens. ( Sg) Stan More - 01:37 ) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – ACMO – Ensign Dural Methor DrPH – 0138) (USS Exeter – Ready Room– MedIntern aEns Lana Wakeman – 0806) (USS Exeter – Ready Room– CO, Captain Trip Williams – 0808) (USS Exeter – Officer’s Quarters Bathroom – Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. – 0953) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO, Lt Gabe Vespers- 1008) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - ACFO, Ensign SG Ronnie Winters- 1010) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO Lt Gabe Vespers- 1012) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - ACFO, Ensign Ronnie Winters- 1014) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO Lt Gabe Vespers 1016) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - ACFO, Ensign SG Ronnie Winters - 1017) (USS Exeter - Ready room COO LTjg Paul Sleeford 12:07) (USS Exeter - Deck 9 - Nine and Dine – SPC Sec/tac Ensign Sg T'kel-12:08) (USS Exeter – Nine and Dine – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1210) (USS Exeter - Deck 9 - Nine and Dine – SPC Sec/tac Ensign Sg T'kel-12:11) (USS Exeter – Nine and Dine – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1212) (USS Exeter - Deck 9 - Nine and Dine – SPC Sec/tac Ensign Sg T'kel-12:13) (USS Exeter – Nine and Dine – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1214) ( Uss Exeter- Deck seven -Counselors suite - COO LTjg Paul Sleeford 14:00) ( Uss Exeter- Deck seven -Counselors suite - COUNS, Ensign SG Jack Roberts 14:03) (USS Exeter - Deck Seven - Counselors suite - COO LTjg Paul Sleeford 14:05) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Lt Gabe Vespers– 1408) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1409) (USS Exeter - Deck Seven - Counselors suite - Couns Jack Roberts - 14:10) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Lt Gabe Vespers 1411) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1412) (USS Exeter – Personal Quarters - Lt Jg Greta Smith & Lt Ire Williams – 1519) (USS Exeter –Sickbay – Nurse – CPO -Ewan McDonald – 1533) (USS Exeter – Mess Hall - CTO/3O Lieutenant SG. Ravok & Lt Jg Greta Smith – 1548) (USS Exeter – Ready Room - CO, Captain Trip Williams 1600) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Office – Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. – 1603) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CSO Lieutenant Jg Erin Cortez– 1603) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Office – CMO Lt Gabe Vespers – 1604) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. - 1605) (USS Exeter –Personal Quarter – CFO – Lieutenant – Ire Williams - 1605) (USS Exeter - Arboretum - Tac/Sec Ens.(Sg) Stan More - 16:06 ) (USS Exeter – mess hall – Lt JG Greta Smith – 1608) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. - 1609) (USS Exeter –Ready Room – CFO – Lieutenant – Ire Williams - 1609) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO Lt Gabe Vespers. - 1611) (USS Exeter –Captains ready room- CTO/3O Lieutenant Sg Ravok - 1611) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. - 1613) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - Tac/Sec Ens. Stan More - 16:20 ) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 16:22 ) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - Tac/Sec Ens.(Sg) Stan More - 16:23 ) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 16:25 ) (USS Exeter - Ops Center - Ensign Rylee Page - 1634) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez & CMO Lt Gabe Vespers - 1711 ) ( USS Exeter - personal quarters - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez & 1st Fighter Wing of Mars CO, Commander Jimmy Hart - 1734 ) ( USS Exeter - Personal Quarters - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 1747 ) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Begin Compile >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Mission: Murder on the Exeter Express Day: 3 Stardate: 2445.12.03 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< (USS Exeter – Sickbay - Tac/Sec Ens. Stan More - 01:31 ) As More slowly began to regain consciousness. He came to the conclusion that he needed to change his ways. Ever since he arrived on the Exeter he’d been a pain in the neck for everybody. He done stupid things without thinking and this was the consequence. That crazy harpy Maxine was correct. Not about taking great joy out of hurting people. But for every action you do there is a consequence. Stan never thought before about what would happen to others. That had to stop. Change. That was now the word. He had been given a second chance and by the grave of Lcmd Butch McTaggard. Stan would do it. He would go back to his first love. Science! Especially botany. Plants had always been his favourite and biology. Seeing how organic things worked had always fascinated him. He would need to speak to the Captain. It was more then likely Trip would want to see him anyway. Stan would ask then. But what about Ravok? Would he blame Stan for Nesha’s death? Maybe it was best to give his friend some space. When Ravok was ready to speak with Stan. He would be ready. Slowly Stan opened his eyes. “There he is,” Dural said, “You gave us quite a scare. The defibrillator kicks like an Andorian Mule, doesn’t it?” A childhood memory of a game of dare. Came to Stan’s mind. Him , wee Billy and big Steven. Had visited a farm owned by big Steven’s uncle Percy. It was a heritage museum. Modelled on a working 1960’s Scottish farm. With live animals not holograms. Including a rather bad tempered mule called Norman. Big Steven bet Stan and wee Billy. To go up and pull Normans tail. Being the worst type of show off a seven year old could be. Stan thought he would go one better. He lifted Normans tail. The mule did not like having his tail touched and went berserk , kicking out with his back legs. Luckily Stan fell backwards but still got a slight kick. From Norman breaking Mores arm. Stan looked at Dr Methor. “ Doctor Methor. I am sorry for.........being a nuisance before....... I owe you a couple of bottles of Kenar.” Stan said. ( Reply , Methor & Bracken ) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – ACMO – Ensign Dural Methor DrPH – 0133) “ Doctor Methor. I am sorry for.........being a nuisance before....... I owe you a couple of bottles of Kenar.” Stan said. “You did annoy me earlier, regardless of my personal feelings toward or for someone, medical ethics require that I aid those in need as I am doing, but don’t worry about that now,” Dural said. “You concentrate on healing and resting. I will take you up on that offer for a drink, but insist it’s only after you are back on duty. Fair?” (Reply More) “Good, that’s settled.” Dural turned to Dr. Bracken, “Were you going to stay for a while longer, or now that our patient is more stable did you have other duties to attend?” (Reply Bracken) “ I was thinking he should spend the night for observation. Ensure his cardioversion takes, send him back to light duty with extended release cardio-stabilizers, which generally hold for the week.” Dural offered. (Reply Bracken, More) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – FO Cmdr Ailynn Bracken – 0134) “He’s coming around.” Dural informed Dr. Bracken. Ailynn sighed and nodded, happily. “Heart’s strong thankfully.” She looked at More’s readings as he spoke to Dural. “Good, that’s settled.” Dural turned to Dr. Bracken, “Were you going to stay for a while longer, or now that our patient is more stable did you have other duties to attend?” “I’m going to head off in a minute, you don’t need me breathing down your neck.” Ailynn answered with a gentle wink. “ I was thinking he should spend the night for observation. Ensure his cardioversion takes, send him back to light duty with extended release cardio-stabilizers, which generally hold for the week.” Dural offered. She nodded. “Give him amiodarone 200mg TDS. rescan him and review after 3 days, all going well, that can come down to BID for a further 2 days. He’s a young fit chap, there should be no complications.” (Reply Methor) “Excellent. Now….” she paused briefly for thought and then picked up one of Stan’s hands, holding the palm in her left hand, then carefully examined the extremities of the fingers. THe contrast of his large, warm hands against her cool, delicate, though strong fingers. “No sign of circulatory loss, or cyanosis.” She pinched his fingertips. “Feel that?” (Reply More) “Good. Computer, give me a neurological scan. Display when ready.” [acknowledged] A few seconds later the holodisplay changed to an exceptionally intricate display of the neurotransmitters in Stan’s arm and neck. Ailynn carefully manouvered the image, zooming in to the neural pathways, running her trained eyes over the scan. “I don’t see any damage, looks like you just gave yourself a hell of a kicking...However…” (Reply More) “Couple of mineral deficiencies, nothing major. Dural, can you give him a mineral shot? Na, K and Ca. Top up the B12 too if you’d be so kind.” (Reply Methor) “Excellent. Now, as you say, best keep him in under obs. He can be discharged at shift change if his obs are steady. Any change I’d like to be informed please. I’ll be in my office most likely for a while catching up. (Reply Methor) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – Tac/Sec Ens. ( Sg) Stan More - 01:37 ) Stan was slowly beginning to feel better. In more ways then one. “You did annoy me earlier, regardless of my personal feelings toward or for someone, medical ethics require that I aid those in need as I am doing, but don’t worry about that now,” Dural said. “You concentrate on healing and resting. I will take you up on that offer for a drink, but insist it’s only after you are back on duty. Fair?” “ Aye Doctor.” Stan said give him a wink. More laid back and looked around. He heard Bracken and Methor speaking. But his attention was turned towards were Erin lay. Brackens voice brought Stan out of his thoughts. “Excellent. Now….” she paused briefly for thought and then picked up one of Stan’s hands, holding the palm in her left hand, then carefully examined the extremities of the fingers. THe contrast of his large, warm hands against her cool, delicate, though strong fingers. “No sign of circulatory loss, or cyanosis.” She pinched his fingertips. “Feel that?” “ Aye ma’am.” Stan replied helpfully. “Good. Computer, give me a neurological scan. Display when ready.” [acknowledged] A few seconds later the holodisplay changed to an exceptionally intricate display of the neurotransmitters in Stan’s arm and neck. Ailynn carefully manouvered the image, zooming in to the neural pathways, running her trained eyes over the scan. “I don’t see any damage, looks like you just gave yourself a hell of a kicking...However…” “ Oh? “ he asked. “Couple of mineral deficiencies, nothing major. Dural, can you give him a mineral shot? Na, K and Ca. Top up the B12 too if you’d be so kind.” “ Will I still be able to play the piano?” Stan joked ( Reply , Bracken & Methor ) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – ACMO – Ensign Dural Methor DrPH – 0138) She nodded. “Give him amiodarone 200mg TDS. rescan him and review after 3 days, all going well, that can come down to BID for a further 2 days. He’s a young fit chap, there should be no complications.” Dural acknowledged also with a nod, and began preparing the medication confirmed by Bracken. “Excellent. Now….” she paused briefly for thought and then picked up one of Stan’s hands, holding the palm in her left hand, then carefully examined the extremities of the fingers. THe contrast of his large, warm hands against her cool, delicate, though strong fingers. “No sign of circulatory loss, or cyanosis.” She pinched his fingertips. “Feel that?” “ Aye ma’am.” Stan replied helpfully. “Good. Computer, give me a neurological scan. Display when ready.” [acknowledged] A few seconds later the holodisplay changed to an exceptionally intricate display of the neurotransmitters in Stan’s arm and neck. Ailynn carefully manouvered the image, zooming in to the neural pathways, running her trained eyes over the scan. “I don’t see any damage, looks like you just gave yourself a hell of a kicking...However…” “ Oh? “ he asked. “Couple of mineral deficiencies, nothing major. Dural, can you give him a mineral shot? Na, K and Ca. Top up the B12 too if you’d be so kind.” “I’ll have to replicate the electrolyte solution. We’ll infuse them over a couple hours to ensure we don’t over load his system,” the Cardassian said. “Excellent. Now, as you say, best keep him in under obs. He can be discharged at shift change if his obs are steady. Any change I’d like to be informed please. I’ll be in my office most likely for a while catching up.” “Aye, Commander.” Dural said. He gave out a short shrill whistle, which grabbed the attention of two nearby orderlies, “You two, please move Mr. More to the observation area. I’ll be over in a moment with the medications he is to receive.” Dural pushed the “crash cart” back to it’s original position. The pair both rushed off to another room and quickly and efficiently grabbed an antigrav gurney. They adjusted it’s height and position to be even with and touching the biobed that Ensign More found himself laying. They pushed a button on the side and the gurney maglocked itself to the biobed so as to be stable enough to hold several hundred kilos with out moving an atom’s breadth. “Sir, kindly scoot over to the gurney and we will be more than happy to move you to your next biobed.” The medic stated politely, but in such a way that implied none of the silly business of walking would be entertained. (Reply More) After the young man moved over to the antigrav completely, and in a supine position, the maglocks were released from the side and both orderlies flanked the long sides to prevent More from rolling off. They guided the gurney over towards his new accommodations. Once they moved over to another biobed they re-locked the gurney in place, and again kindly asked the young Ensign to move over under his own power. (Reply More) Dural then appeared holding two vials and two bags of a clear liquid. “Stan, may I call you Stan?” Dural asked. (Reply More) “We are going to have to set up an intravenous infusion for the two medications that Doctor Bracken ordered. I want to be sure that we don’t have any adverse reactions, so we’ll give those medications slowly over a period of time rather than instantaneously with a blast of the hypospray. Do you understand?” (Reply More) “Good.” Dural said, “to start we’ll have to set you up with our Starfleet issue medical infusion set. Your arm goes in this ring, which mounts to the biobed. The ring accesses the veins in your arm, you might feel a slight pinch when they do. The system will give you the medication at a slow rate so we can monitor your progress. It works best if you lay still. So once we start this up, my recommendation is to take a nap and by the time you wake up the infusion should be complete.” (Reply More) (USS Exeter – Ready Room– MedIntern aEns Lana Wakeman – 0806) "Scared is relative I guess. But I've been frightened yeah. A few times." “How so? You always seem so together, like super confident.” Lana said gently, her eyes questioning. "I guess the first was leading my first combat mission, Battle of the Kuiper belt. Fresh out of the academy, Remae puts me in charge of the fighter wing. I mean, damn, ya know. But we pull it off. I didn't even fly combat, I had to quarterback it all, and pray, and hope, my tactics put my people into position to succeed. We won, and no one died. But on our way home, right before landing, the Ship I was on, exploded. Everyone made it out alive, but well, Alexandra Petrova, one of the fighter wing new recruits, who I umm, slept with the night before, almost didn't make it. She was only on the ship because her fighter had been destroyed and I wanted to spend time with her. Commander Bracken performed the surgery, saved her life. But I was frightened to the core. It was my mistake, my desire to spend time with her, a kernel of lust, that put her in danger. If she died, it was on me. It was like a gut punch. I questioned everything about myself. I was 22, not even a month out of the academy. What the hell was I doing leading a fighter wing into combat. Honestly without my Sister, Ailynn, and Ash, I don't think I bounce back." Lana listened as the Captain spoke, her eyes gently observing and taking in all that he said as he recounted the obvious fear, and trauma. There were a number of thoughts that crossed her mind, but she kept all of them to herself, this was an ideal time to learn, and help understand trauma, and how to deal with it. "Then there was the second battle of Wolf 359. We lost good men that day. It was, it was, it was like everything going at warpspeed. Hitting you from every angle. But we won. That wasn't the scary part. It was looking the family members of those we lost in the eyes, and telling them, that..." Trip paused, "That there loved ones weren't coming home. It took a lot of....well, I had to get myself pumped up to follow through. I was almost to frightened to do it. Ailynn and Ash had to hold me hands just to get me through it. I guess I have some more calls to make. It never gets easier. It never does." “I’ve heard of that battle. Heard some stories from some of the flyboys. I was never sure how much was flighter jock talk and how much was true.” Lana half smiled, in a sad, refrained manner. "But I guess the time more relatable to your predicament was when after a cage match, I used to do mixed martial arts, I got jumped in an alleyway and almost died. Multiple stab wounds. Ailynn....she was the one who saved my life. Man, bleeding out at 20...Yeah I was scared. But my people, my family, my twin, Ailynn, Ash. They got me through it, everytime. I owe a lot to Ailynn Bracken." “I heard the Commander’s name a lot, seems you owe her a lot.” She grimaced. “That...like...didn’t come out right. She has your back is what I meant.” she waved her hand in the air vaguely. “You know what I meant.” (reply Trip) “So like...It’s okay to be totally scared? But like...It’s the way we come to terms with it afterwards, and how we deal with our trauma that’s more important than the fear itself?” (Reply Trip) “It does help a little.” she sighed gently, then caught his gaze. “You know, Maxine asked me if I thought I was any good, forced me to admit that my mother never appreciated anything of my work and disapproved of what I was doing. I know the truth though. You’ve taught me that whatever it was she disapproved of, is rather irrelevant, and...that I did...like...do have value.” (Reply Trip) (USS Exeter – Ready Room– CO, Captain Trip Williams – 0808) “I heard the Commander’s name a lot, seems you owe her a lot.” She grimaced. “That...like...didn’t come out right. She has your back is what I meant.” she waved her hand in the air vaguely. “You know what I meant.” "No, you were right the first time." Trip said with a chuckle. "I do owe her a lot." “So like...It’s okay to be totally scared? But like...It’s the way we come to terms with it afterwards, and how we deal with our trauma that’s more important than the fear itself?” "absolutely right kiddo," Trip said with a smile, "Does that help?" “It does help a little.” she sighed gently, then caught his gaze. “You know, Maxine asked me if I thought I was any good, forced me to admit that my mother never appreciated anything of my work and disapproved of what I was doing. I know the truth though. You’ve taught me that whatever it was she disapproved of, is rather irrelevant, and...that I did...like...do have value.” "I definitely think you have value. You'll turn some heads, in a manner of speaking." Trip smiled. "Anyways, cade.... I mean acting Ensign Wakeman, you are dismissed." Trip waited for Lana to leave and the sighed. "Kiddo," He said out loud. "Kiddo, she's not that much younger than me." For the second time that morning Trip began to feel that itch, that wonder. Did he settle down to soon, did he grow up too fast. He began to feel that wanderlust once again. His peer group were young, still ensigns, still with time to figure out their lives, directions, make mistakes. He was 23, the captain of a Starship, married, kid on the way. He loved his life, but he wondered, where else was there to go, and in ten years, would he regret not being afforded the chance to have those young adult adventures. "Well Addison, guess the itch is normal after all." He said to himself as he laughed. "Wonder if Ash feels the itch too?" (reply none) (USS Exeter – Officer’s Quarters Bathroom – Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. – 0953) ~One, two, three, four, five…~ Heinrich was brushing his teeth after a long night. He was exhausted, mentally and physically. As soon as he entered his quarters his adrenaline dropped and all that had gone on began to hit him. He saved a life. Didn’t have a chance on at least two others. No one told him he’d be thrown straight into an emergency his first week on the job. Maybe Starfleet life was a lot more like the stories than he thought. ~Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty…~ Just then his comlink went off. "Vespers to Dr Kruze.” ~Aw, great.~ Heinrich thought to himself as he spat out his toothpaste. He annoyingly smacked his badge. “Dr. Kruze here.” "Ensign report to Sickbay at 1600, you're due your physical and it would be an idea to actually meet you.” Heinrich sighed, he would have preferred to have a little more time to rest. He tapped his badge. “Understood, I’ll see you promptly at 1600.” (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Office – Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. – 1603) Heinrich rushed through Sickbay. After a horrible night’s sleep he had blown through his alarm. He told himself, as everyone does, that he would still have ample time to get ready. But on his fourth day on the Exeter he still had no sense of distance and time. Barreling his way through Sickbay he arrived at the CMO’s office, hoping Dr. Vespers was not the sort to be too particular about time. He stopped, straightened the top of his uniform, tried to style his hair in place, and walked into the office as if he wasn’t late. “Doctor Vespers, I presume? I’m here for my physical.” (Reply Vespers) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO, Lt Gabe Vespers- 1008) "Well stop being a grouch silly." Gabe looked at her "if only it was that simple" he smiled and took another sip "I'm absolutely convinced that somewhere inside you is the grouch switch and if you could just figure out how to turn it off from time to time you'd be unstoppable." "What do you mean unstoppable, I am already unstoppable Ensign" Gabe winked at her. Ronnie gave him a warm hug and then sat down on his desk, her feet dangling. "So, I guess we missed a lot of action yesterday. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." "From these reports I'm guessing a good thing, where were you anyway? (Reply Winters) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - ACFO, Ensign SG Ronnie Winters- 1010) "From these reports I'm guessing a good thing, where were you anyway? "Promise not to judge or laugh." She said with a smile. (Reply Gabe) "I was in my pajamas, eating ice cream, and watching cheesy movies in your sister's quarters. Just making a mess of the place." (Reply Gabe) "Well not a mess, but I may have spilled chocolate syrup on her floor. We wrere supposed to hang out. I'd stay there, keep her company, provide an alibi,then shit hit the fan. Before I could go back to my place, we went on lockdown, so I just slept there, thinking she;d come home. But guess what?" Ronnie winked. "She never did. I wonder where she was." Ronnie gave a mischievous laugh. (reply Gabe) "Tell me sweetie, you feeling better?" (reply Gabe) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO Lt Gabe Vespers- 1012) "Promise not to judge or laugh." She said with a smile. "For you never" Gabe chuckled and moved around the desk to Ronnie "I was in my pajamas, eating ice cream, and watching cheesy movies in your sister's quarters. Just making a mess of the place." "A mess, you could have done that in my quarters" Gabe was half joking but also half serious, he wanted to move things along but Ronnie was still insistent on backing away every now and then. "Well not a mess, but I may have spilled chocolate syrup on her floor. We wrere supposed to hang out. I'd stay there, keep her company, provide an alibi,then shit hit the fan. Before I could go back to my place, we went on lockdown, so I just slept there, thinking she;d come home. But guess what?" Ronnie winked. "She never did. I wonder where she was." Ronnie gave a mischievous laugh. Looking round the door and pointing to the whole room "making a mess of my Sickbay I think. Still, it's nice to know I'm not needed" "Tell me sweetie, you feeling better?" Gabe moved back to the desk and sat on it next to Ronnie, he took her hand. "I'm tired and I'm not sure I want to be here anymore. I mean, in space, it's been such a short time and we've all been through so much. I feel all I've done is sign death certificates; this isn't the frontier medicine I signed up for. Sorry, you don't need to hear that" Gabe went to pull his hand away as a little tear formed in his eye. (Reply Winters) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - ACFO, Ensign Ronnie Winters- 1014) "I'm tired and I'm not sure I want to be here anymore. I mean, in space, it's been such a short time and we've all been through so much. I feel all I've done is sign death certificates; this isn't the frontier medicine I signed up for. Sorry, you don't need to hear that" Gabe went to pull his hand away as a little tear formed in his eye. "Hey, don't cry you big baby." She said with a smile. (reply Gabe) "Look if you wanted frontier medicine you should have asked for a starbase. Ship life is fast, dangerous. It comes with the job. And we need you and everyone working with you. I mean yeah writing death certificates suck major %$#^ but at least you don't have to call the families or make the hard calls. You don;t send folks to death, you bring them back from the brink." (reply Gabe) "Things may get harder, it may get easier, but they need you on your A game. You got this babe. There will be good days, bad days, easy days, and hard days. But you will always have folks there to lift your spirits up." (reply Gabe) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO Lt Gabe Vespers 1016) "Hey, don't cry you big baby." She said with a smile. "I'm not crying, you're crying" Gabe laughed and held her hand hand tighter. "Look if you wanted frontier medicine you should have asked for a starbase. Ship life is fast, dangerous. It comes with the job. And we need you and everyone working with you. I mean yeah writing death certificates suck major %$#^ but at least you don't have to call the families or make the hard calls. You don;t send folks to death, you bring them back from the brink." Gabe didn't say anything he just made a listening noise. "Things may get harder, it may get easier, but they need you on your A game. You got this babe. There will be good days, bad days, easy days, and hard days. But you will always have folks there to lift your spirits up." "Ronnie, life is harder than expected, the last few days have just been strange to navigate, but thank you for being there." (Reply Winters) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - ACFO, Ensign SG Ronnie Winters - 1017) "Ronnie, life is harder than expected, the last few days have just been strange to navigate, but thank you for being there." "Well I mean, you've met my parents. Being emotionally supportive is part of my genes. Well at least the Williams's genes. Not so sure about the Bracken ones just yet." (reply Gabe) "Look, you and I, we both have each other and we have family here. Where else should we be? When was the last time you did anything for fun with your sister?" (reply Gabe) "Anyways, I love you the way you are, and I would never try and change you, unless you wear something garishly awful. But eventually, one of these days, I will get you to lighten up enough to enjoy the little things in life. Honestly, I think you just need to get laid." Ronnie paused, "But it's gonna have to be someone else other than me. As confident as I am in me, in us, and all that, I'm just not ready for that. And I'm confident enough in who you are and how much you care, that I know you won't rush me." (reply Gabe) "For some reason, unbenknowsnt to me. I love you Gabe Vesper." She said as she kissed his cheek. "But I've got errands to run, so I will see you later." Ronnie then smiled and skipped out of the room. (reply Gabe iyw) (USS Exeter - Ready room COO LTjg Paul Sleeford 12:07) Sitting opposite the captain, Sleeford felt unsure as to why he'd been promoted. In his mind there where others more able and capable them him. "You've earned it Paul." "Smiling slightly, Sleeford nodded once, "Thank you sir" "I know this career change isn't what you wanted or expected, but you've adapted to it swimmingly. You've been an exemplary officer. I hope you know that." "Thank you sir, I was a little apprehensive taking on Ops, but I have a good team behind me." "Now then, before I send you on your way, is there anything else you'd like to discuss. If not you're free to go." "Captain", Sleeford stood and left the ready room, pausing as the doors closed and took a deep breath, walking back to the Ops console he took his seat and scanned the board. There was a request form Astronomy for use of the large telescope to scan a nebula, Engineering wanted to take Holodeck off line to make repairs and Security wanted to rip it apart to find out what happened last night, there was a request from Zenobiology to use the sensor arrays. Smiling as he allocated the resources that had been requested, to the various departments, using the ventral sensor platforms for Zeno. (Replies none) (USS Exeter - Deck 9 - Nine and Dine – SPC Sec/tac Ensign Sg T'kel-12:08) "Possibly – I’m no psychologist though,” she replied back, “Maybe a talk with one of the ships councillors might help. I feel a little better for it. I think it's one of those things i’ll just need a bit of time with.” He sighed. " Our culture, Vulcan culture is based solely on two principles.The never ending pursuit and practice of Logic and control over our emotions. Talking with counselors unfortunately has a history of being counter productive overall. We live in a time where we can explore the stars with ease yet we traverse our minds with difficulty. From my own experience counselors become enraged with me, because I do not conform to their idea of how a patient should respond." “Im open to any other suggestions you might have to help,” she added. T'kel thought for a moment thinking of viable options. " On stardate 2445.09.22 you said ,maybe one day you would catch me in training and that you would knock me down a few times. I told you that you are welcome to try. Would this be an acceptable way to help?" He asked. ( reply Hammerfield) (USS Exeter – Nine and Dine – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1210) T'kel thought for a moment thinking of viable options. " On stardate 2445.09.22 you said ,maybe one day you would catch me in training and that you would knock me down a few times. I told you that you are welcome to try. Would this be an acceptable way to help?" He asked. "That’s really one for you to think about. My experience tells me everyone reacts differently to these types of things. The main question is do you think it would help?” she said taking the roll off her plate and dipping it into the soup. She didn’t feel like eating it yet but continued to dip it in every so often. (reply T’kel) “Im going to need a day at least – I need to get a bit of rest. If you think that will help im game and if it doesn’t then we will need to find something that does,” she looked at the roll and placed it on the side of the bowl leaving it be now. (reply T’kel, any) (USS Exeter - Deck 9 - Nine and Dine – SPC Sec/tac Ensign Sg T'kel-12:11) "That’s really one for you to think about. My experience tells me everyone reacts differently to these types of things. The main question is do you think it would help?” " There is a possibility it could help. I have sparred with various people on the ship. All were admirable in their own ways. You however are the only one I have been in a real situation with. " T'kel responded. “Im going to need a day at least – I need to get a bit of rest. If you think that will help im game and if it doesn’t then we will need to find something that does,” Ensign Hammerfield stated. " Ensign, you handled yourself well. We are both alive because of each other. " He said repositioning himself on the chair. ( reply Hammerfield) " I think a good training session would be more beneficial to me than a counselor being baffled about my inability to dredge up emotional connections from my childhood by asking standard questions about my parents and If they hugged me enough. " T'kel said with a hint of sarcasm. ( reply Hammerfield) (USS Exeter – Nine and Dine – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1212) "Ensign, you handled yourself well. We are both alive because of each other. " He said repositioning himself on the chair. "Well... I know id be some ashes on the floor if you weren’t there,” she nodded. "I think a good training session would be more beneficial to me than a counselor being baffled about my inability to dredge up emotional connections from my childhood by asking standard questions about my parents and If they hugged me enough. " T'kel said with a hint of sarcasm. “Well we can pencil it in a few days from now,” she said back pushing a rather untouched bowl of soup away from her. Look at T’kel she asked curiously, “You know – I never really though about it before. How do Vulcans get counselling on Vulcan? Is it more running through logical steps or is a mind meld something common in it?” (reply T’kel) (USS Exeter - Deck 9 - Nine and Dine – SPC Sec/tac Ensign Sg T'kel-12:13) “Well we can pencil it in a few days from now,” she said and pushed her bowl away “You know – I never really thought about it before. How do Vulcans get counselling on Vulcan? Is it more running through logical steps or is a mind meld something common in it?” T'kel looked around then back to Hammerfield. He normally wouldn't talk about such things but he felt as if he could trust her. " Methods of counseling vary depending upon the situation and its depth and urgency. Mind melding is the most effective and quickest way to understand most issues with an individual, but it is not an effective method of treatment. Treatment mostly involves rigorous guided meditative rituals. These rituals are guided by distinguished members of our society. Some outsiders may refer to these rituals reeducation exercises. "T'kel explained. He was a bad advocate for explaining Vulcan customs he himself rejected a few of them. ( reply Hammerfield) (USS Exeter – Nine and Dine – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1214) "Methods of counseling vary depending upon the situation and its depth and urgency. Mind melding is the most effective and quickest way to understand most issues with an individual, but it is not an effective method of treatment. Treatment mostly involves rigorous guided meditative rituals. These rituals are guided by distinguished members of our society. Some outsiders may refer to these rituals reeducation exercises. "T'kel explained. “I see,” Janice raise her brow a bit, “It sounds fairly intense, “Well if there is anything else you can think of that I can help with...” ( reply T’Kel) NRPG: room for more iyw “I should probably try to get some sleep – the doc wants me for a physical in an hour or so,” she said masking a yawn as she spoke with her hand, “ ( reply T’Kel) Janice picked up her soup and put it back into the replicator where it was disassembled, “Take care – see you around.” She tapped him on the should as she left to try and catch a quick nap. ( reply T’Kel) ( Uss Exeter- Deck seven -Counselors suite - COO LTjg Paul Sleeford 14:00) Walking into the suite of offices reserved in sickbay for the councillors Sleeford approached the receptionist. “ Hi I have an appointment to see counselor Roberts.” Looking up Petty officer Yellond sighed, she had just opened the PADD with her training pack, the promotion board was a week away and all she'd had today was interruptions.. "I'll let him know your here. Sit over there and wait." Shaking his head Sleeford took the indicated seat and crossed his legs, Whistling a soft tune. The sound of a cough caused him to raise his eyes to see the PO glaring at him. "you can go in now" Standing Sleeford headed to the open door, nodding to the receptionist as he passed. Walking to the door he pressed the chime. (Reply Roberts) ( Uss Exeter- Deck seven -Counselors suite - COUNS, Ensign SG Jack Roberts 14:03) "Paul, have a seat." Jack said with a warm smile. "There is water on the table if you'd like some." Jack said with a warm smile. (Reply Sleeford) "I know that the last two days have been rather trying, but know this is a safe place. This office, our staff, we're here for you." (reply Sleeford) "I guess, I could start in a variety of different places, but why don't you walk me through the events of last night, in your own words. and please feel fee to share how you were feeling during that particular time. Though I apologize, as I might interrupt from time to time." (reply Sleeford) "Now then, are you ready to begin?" (reply Sleeford) (USS Exeter - Deck Seven - Counselors suite - COO LTjg Paul Sleeford 14:05) "Paul, have a seat." Jack said with a warm smile. "There is water on the table if you'd like some." Jack said with a warm smile. Walking into the office Sleeford sat in the chair opposite the desk, crossing his legs he pulled his jacket down, reaching forward he poured a glass of water. "I know that the last two days have been rather trying, but know this is a safe place. This office, our staff, we're here for you." Smiling Sleeford took a sip of water and nodded, "Thank you, so where do you want me to start?" "I guess, I could start in a variety of different places, but why don't you walk me through the events of last night, in your own words. and please feel fee to share how you were feeling during that particular time. Though I apologize, as I might interrupt from time to time." "Not at all Counsellor, feel free to interrupt at any time." "Now then, are you ready to begin?" Taking a breath Sleeford cleared his throat, "We where in the Ops office, analysing the voices that had taken at the time of Commanders Tyko's death, Erin thought she'd heard the voice earlier in the evening. It was getting a little crowded what with Commander Braken, Lieutenants Williams and Cortez, Commander Merek and myself." Sleeford paused and took a sip of water. "we'd played the sample a couple of times and where discussing ways of detaining the identified voice, when ..when we're where on the holodeck. Well Cortez, Williams, More, Clark, Hammerhead, Wakeman and myself. I assume the others where still in Ops office. " Couching Sleeford paused and thought back to last night, his blood running cold as he remembered the events. "Anyway, the thing that called herself Maxine sat at the front on some kind of throne, with a click of her fingers had us all held in a field. The the torture began." "her first action was to kill Clarke, for no other reason then she thought he was boring" "She started with Ire Williams, why she started on him I have no idea, she produced Greta, no that's not right, it was a holographic Greta. She made Ire fight her to the death, his or Gretas, she didn't care which. " "I stood there feeling like an useless lump of, well the Klingons would probably have a word or three for it. She made Ira Kill 'Greta'. She moved on to me, I expected to have to fight my father or another member of the crew, instead she filled the space I was in with water, i had time to take a couple of deep breaths and calm my mind as much as i could. I was there for a minute, felt like a lifetime. " "While she toyed with me, she turned to More, Cortez, Hammerhead and Wakeman. They all refused to play her game and she chose to kill Cortez as a way to prover her mastery of the situation. " "I'll be honest I wanted to kill her, to make her pay for her actions. I worried that if a rescue team managed to get in then she'd have fresh meat to play with and we'd be forced t fight until there was one man standing, exhausted, demoralised and willing to do anything to make her stop." (Reply Roberts) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Lt Gabe Vespers– 1408) “Sure thing,” Janice moved to the bed as Gabe picked up the tray and followed her "Complicated, the whole universe is complicated" he said to himself as he arrives at the bed. “Is it the full physical this time or just the interim check-up?” she asked, “I can never remember what one I’m on. And that’s not that I have trouble remembering things. Just uh... don’t really find these interesting. I mean... they are important...” Janice stopped and looked at Gabe, “Yea, ok. I’m going to shut up before I dig a hole through to the bottom of the ship.” "Lt, Im not overly worried about your memory, that's for the counselor to asses, I have your medical notes from the transfer and this is basically a once over to check you are who you say you are, if you could stop it would be useful, I don't want any holes in the Sickbay floor. (Reply Hammerfield) "So aside from the events of the last few days, anything out of the ordinary? Headaches, skin issues, nausea?" Gabe moved around the bed with the tricorder making notes and cross checking the medical file. (Reply Hammerfield, any) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1409) "Lt, Im not overly worried about your memory, that's for the counselor to asses, I have your medical notes from the transfer and this is basically a once over to check you are who you say you are, if you could stop it would be useful, I don't want any holes in the Sickbay floor. "Understood,” she said crossing her legs over and refraining from fidgeting at all. "So aside from the events of the last few days, anything out of the ordinary? Headaches, skin issues, nausea?" Gabe moved around the bed with the tricorder making notes and cross checking the medical file. “No nothing of note Doctor. I still have a light bruise from the other day but it should clear up on its own,” she raised a bit of her hairline to give him a better look at it. (Reply Gabe) “Thats right,” she rolled up her left sleeve to reveal a scar running from her elbow down her arm, “A knife. I prefer the scar left. Thank you.” (Reply Gabe, any) (USS Exeter - Deck Seven - Counselors suite - Couns Jack Roberts - 14:10) "Well lets focus on that word you used. Useless." Jack said with a smile. "Is that how you felt? Trapped? Useless?" (reply Sleeford) "Why don't we explore that. Would you say, that its just a general feeling of uselessness or was it more than that?" (reply sleeford) "Because the thing with uselessness is it can manifest itself in a variety of different ways. It can manifest itself as a feeling as being trapped, or as a sense of hopelessness. It can also seem like despair, a paralyzing fear. So when you were trapped, seeing what was going on, how did the uselessness manifest?" (reply Sleeford) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Lt Gabe Vespers 1411) “No nothing of note Doctor. I still have a light bruise from the other day but it should clear up on its own,” she raised a bit of her hairline to give him a better look at it. Gabe put down the tricorder and took a closer look at the bruise, picking up a tool he ran it over her head and watched it smooth out. "Your records show an altercation from a while ago, you were attacked?" Gabe asked putting the regeneratior down and looking at the woman. “Thats right, A knife. I prefer the scar left. Thank you.” Janice said rolling up her sleeve "Oh, I'll never understand it when people cling onto the past, but whatever makes you happy." Gabe picked up the PADD and made another note. (Reply Hammerfield) "You're fine, it seems a little odd to clear you for duty when you've already got involved on the ship but there we go. Keep up with the counselling though, you're free to go, unless you have any questions?" (Reply Hammerfield) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – Ensign Janice Hammerfield– 1412) "Oh, I'll never understand it when people cling onto the past, but whatever makes you happy." Gabe picked up the PADD and made another note. "Im sure you have something sentimental you cling onto doc?” Janice looked up at him, “Just so happens this one is attached to my arm. No loss of movement, No itching or pain. Its just there.” "You're fine, it seems a little odd to clear you for duty when you've already got involved on the ship but there we go. Keep up with the counselling though, you're free to go, unless you have any questions?" "Thanks doc,” she stood up onto the feet and put her jacket over her, “Actually – there is one thing. Ive not been able to sleep since last night. Don’t suppose you could give me something for a day or two to help knock me out?” (reply Gabe) (USS Exeter – Personal Quarters - Lt Jg Greta Smith & Lt Ire Williams – 1519) Sitting on their sofa, Greta had changed from her uniform in some comfy trousers and a jumper. Not knowing what to really do with herself, she had curled up on the sofa trying to rest but all that was in her mind was the look that Ire had given her in sickbay. The doors opened and Ire stepped into the room. He had been assigned his own quarters but needed to come back and get his uniform and a few things. He paused inside as the door closed behind him as he saw Greta on the sofa. “I have come to get a few things.” Looking at him, there had been a hope in her heart that he would come back. But, as she heard his words, that hope died in her, replaced by something different. She stood and looked at him, "Things? That's all you are going to say?" He looked at her. “I need my spare uniform and flight suit.” She took a deep breath in what was a potentially futile effort to keep calm and opened her eyes, staring directly at him. "No. You don't get to do this. You don't get to go through something and just walk away from the one person who is willing to help you." He paused and looked back at her “You can’t help me.” "How do you know that if you won’t let me try? DAMN IT IRE!" She yelled as she stepped towards him, "You don’t get to walk away!" He shrugged “It's not up to you what I need to do.” Taking several breaths, greta could feel the anger rising in her, "What you need to do? I thought we were a partnership? I thought you loved me! Or was that just a lie?" “What I need is space.” She turned away from him, took a breath again, "You care more about a damn hologram of me then you do about me. How do you think that makes me feel?" “I can’t deal with it right now.” A laugh escaped her lips as she turned round to face him, "You can't….. You selfish, arrogant…. " She paused for a moment as she looked at him, glancing over his shoulder to where some of their photos were displayed. Some of them together, some of her early life and some of him on the ship he was raised on. "Oh… I get it… I understand now. You don't give a damn about me because of her! That damn aunty of yours. She raised you with holograms so that's why you don't get it. You can't see what you are doing to me because of that!" “This has nothing to do with her or my upbringing. You would not understand.” "THEN HELP ME UNDERSTAND! Don’t just walk away from me." She yelled as she stepped back towards him, "Ire, you said you loved me. You asked me to marry you. You gave me this ring…" she took the engagement ring off her finger and held it up to his eyes, "... that was a promise, for better or worse. " He looked at the ring and then back to her. “Looks like it's for worse then.” Something happened in that moment, something that in years to come, Greta would look back at with shame. But there, in that moment, she saw red. The man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with and raise a family with, had just crushed that dream with 6 words. She shook, anger filled her and she stepped right in front of him, not saying a word and slapped him right across the face with force. Turning away, she, even though she was shaking, dropped her engagement ring onto the table. He rolled with the slap then looked back at her. "You take that. You take that and you look at it every damn day to remind you of what you threw away because you couldn't see, you couldn't deal with opening up and letting me in." And, even though she knew tears were in her eyes, she walked out of the door, not looking back and kept walking. Ire watched as Greta walked out. He then knelt down and picked up the ring, put it into this pocket and walked into the bedroom to get his spare uniform and flight suit. (Reply none) (USS Exeter –Sickbay – Nurse – CPO -Ewan McDonald – 1533) “Ewan what are you humming?” Ewan turned to the crewwoman beside him who had been working with him. “What sorry?” “You were humming to yourself what song is that?” “It’s Zombie by the cranberries.” She a gave him a look. “Why that song?” He gave a smile. “Its part of my medivac playlist.” She gave him a strange look. “You medivac playlist?” “You know that I come from Albatross Organisation and I work as part of their Mobile Surgical Team. One of their roles was patient triage and medivacs as well as surgery.” She nodded. “Long story short I have a play list that I play when I go on medivacs. Tunes that get me in the mind set and to relax afterward. That one is the tune that I play as the craft is on its final run up to landing. It calms me and focuses my mind on what I am about to do when we land. It also reminds me that even now in our lightened society people are still getting wounded and die. I can only help the ones that are in front of me, and I am not here to save the galaxy.” “Do you miss it being here?” Ewan paused for a moment. “Yes and no. I mean we have been busy and there have been some interesting times but there is nothing that speeds up the heart when you get off a shuttle and there are a hundred and fifty people all needing help and evacuation and you know that if you don’t get the severely injured one away fast, they will die but there is also two hundred more on their way and you have two shuttle crafts.” He gave a slight smile. “Having your own quarters and not sleeping in tents, using a bucket shower and basic facilities is nice. Also, the fact that we are in sickbay with all this modern technology. With the ability to replicate more drugs and equipment when needed. The treatments and care we can do here is so much more then what I could do with my team in our tent or small local building.” He gave a shrug. “You value the little things more when you’ve been you have been trying to do a laparotomy with a scalp and forceps. Not the laser ones I mean old school metal ones that cut. We had deployed to a conflict area some where in the alpha quadrant some where near Jaros II two groups were having a turf war and it got ugly, so me and my team we were sent to make a primary evaluation begin to assist. So, we deploy, and this Ion storm rolls in out of nowhere can cut us off from out support ship. The storm affected most of our equipment by the time the support ship got to us we were down to cloth bandages and had to hand suture with needles and cut with scalpel blades.” “Sounds awful.” Ewan grinned. “It was hard don’t get me wrong but those is something exciting about working with out all the fancy tech that we take for granted and really go back the basics. In saying that it was good to get the equipment drop when it came.” They looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. She and flashed him a smile passed him a PADD which contained the latest patient updates. He nodded his thanks and got back to work. (reply any) (USS Exeter – Mess Hall - CTO/3O Lieutenant SG. Ravok & Lt Jg Greta Smith – 1548) Sitting by the window of the mess hall, Greta stared out at the stars. She was aware that her face was flushed and her eyes were red but she didn't care. To her, her whole world had come crashing down around her and she was in shock. Her love had turned his back on her and her mind was blank. Rubbing her eyes again, she sighed heavily and stared out, hoping to get lost in the stars. Walking into the mess hall. Ravok had his daughter with him. She wanted ice cream and didn't want it from the replicator in their quarters. She was thoroughly convinced that the ice cream selection was better in the mess hall. Ravok was more than happy to take Rayna out and let her get a change of scenery. While walking to a table with their ice cream Ravok noticed Greta sitting by the window. Noticing the red hue on her face. One he was all too used to seeing. Largely in part to the fact that Greta had a tendency to be fired up about something from time to time, but this time it was much different. Considering the events of the previous night Ravok decided to walk sit Rayna at nearby table so he could check on Greta " Hey Lieutenant…" Ravok said standing there with his hands in his pocket. Looking up, Greta sighed, "oh… hey." " I don't want to beat around the tree...sorry bush, it's bush right ? Anyways. How is he ?" Greta shook her head and looked back out of the window. "He's… the same just not with …." The word 'me' caught in her throat. ~ Long time no see McHavok ~ " Shut up" Ravok said quickly and quietly. Making a nervous laugh and rubbing the back of his head. " Sorry allergies, went to the arboretum. " "Oh…" she responded. He looked back at Rayna and leaned against the wall near Greta so that he could face his daughter. " Is he saying anything ? " "Other than he doesn't want to open up to me and that he's staying away… no." Fighting down the urge to shake again, she drew a deep breath and looked over at Rayna and smiled softly at her. " Greta...I hate seeing him like this." He turned and looked at her. " I hate seeing you like this. Ire bottles things up, maybe he just needs his space. I am not at liberty to discuss everything that happened in the holodeck but as a friend I can tell you that everyone who made it out alive is pretty shaken up. Plus Ire isn't the average guy. We would rip on him everyday in the wing and he just...grin." Greta was not only a friend but she was also one of his officers. Someone he had grown to rely on. "Well he's got his space. He's got it in spades." She replied, glancing down at her hand, at the space where her ring used to sit. "He's not an average guy. No average guy would not open up and no average guy would refuse to let someone they supposedly love help them. He's not opening up. " Ravok looked at hand. " Oh Greta, I'm sorry." He said sympathetically as he crouched down next to her and place his face in his hands letting out an audible sigh. "I know what he had to do. I … Trip told me. Ravok, I can't get to him. He's just blank. I tried, I tried and there was nothing. Didn't even react when I slapped …" she stopped, turned her gaze away again. Ravok looked at her confused as hell. " You slapped him? Greta ...you know what? I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, nope didn't hear that" She smiled weakly. "I had to do something. But no reaction. Not even when I walked out, left the ring and walked out." " I understand he's shaken up but if he can't even look you in the eye then there is no way in hell he should be cleared for duty. We can't have him snap and fly us into a star. " Ravok said. "He's hurting. I get that… but … it's like he's hurting so he has to hurt me… Ravok, I… " she closed her eyes, opened them again and looked at him, "It feels like I've lost him." Ravok could feel his frustration building. Their conversation was interrupted. =/\=Ire and Ravok. To my ready room. Asap.=/\= It was Trip. Ravok tapped his comm badge. " I will be there shortly sir. " The communication ended and he looked at Greta. " Look I'm gonna see what the captain wants ,but I'm gonna try and have a word with Ire." "I just hope for his sake, not mine, he listens. It's him I'm worried about. Henot himself." " Take some time off .Go relax if you need to get away, I still have access to spare quarters that the captain assigned me when I brought Rayna on board or you're more than welcome to come to our place. Your off duty until this issue is resolved. I need him to get right and I need you care free. " He said with a serious yet caring tone. Greta smiled, took a deep breath and nodded. "Thankyou. I… I'll be okay." Glancing over at Rayna, she smiled, "Would she like to come and keep me company? Girls night will movie and popcorn? I promise to not give her too much sugar." Ravok smiled " That sounds great. I'm sure she'll love having her Auntie G over " He laughed gently. "Good. Might keep me occupied. Not dwelling. " " I'll message Keira and let her know what's going on so she doesn't walk in and pull a knife on you." He joked trying to cheer her up and simultaneously conceal his frustration. "If you're sure? I don’t want to intrude on you guys." " She won't mind ,she's your maid of honor. " Ravok said "I know. I just, I don't want to be on my own tonight and not there… in our…." She sighed. Ravok placed his hand on her shoulder. " What's ours is yours. Ire's my brother. Your family" Putting her hand over his, Greta nodded, "Don't be too hard on him. I know I'm hurting but that's me. My cross to bear so to speak. Plus, I get movie night with a cutie pie so…" she sighed, "... I'll be fine." " Good , come by whenever works best for you and promise me one thing." "Anything." " No teaching my daughter any more inappropriate words. " He said laughing and waving his finger. " You taught her how to say arse and she said it non stop for 3 entire days." Ravok informed her. "I…. Okay that may have been me. " Greta smiled, then sighed, "I'm sorry for this. This isn't how I thought this would go. I shouldn’t be like this… he just…. " She rubbed her forehead a little, "... I can't promise that I won't say bad words. But I can promise to try not to." " Let me get Rayna back home and Hurry to captain See you later." Ravok said, walking away to get his daughter (Reply none) (USS Exeter – Ready Room - CO, Captain Trip Williams 1600) As Trip sat reading the various reports coming his way, he couldn't shake a number of bad feelings. First his ever increasing wanderlust and his desire to do something youthful and dangerous, like picking a fight with a Gorn. Furthermore he was troubled by the trauma endured by his former left and right hand. He wanted to just sit, and talk. Maybe just hanging out would ease them up or just get Ire to open up. Trip was worried about them. As he moved to the couch with a bottle of bourbon he felt the itch. ~what's one or two glasses of day drinking gonna do. Shift is technically over. ~ Trip tapped his commbadge. "Ire and Ravok. To my ready room. Asap." (Reply ire and Ravok) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CSO Lieutenant Jg Erin Cortez– 1603) Lying back in the bed, Erin sighed. Since waking up earlier in the day, she’d been.doing nothing but resting and.it was beginning to grate on her. Not the resting just not being in her own quarters. She also knew that it was for her own good but, nevertheless, she wanted to be out and in her own surroundings. If nothing else, she wanted to curl up on her sofa, put on a movie and just lose herself in another world for a few hours. Knowing it wasn't going to happen soon, a thought occurred to her. Sitting up in the biobed, she reached for her combadge on the table next to her and tapped it. "Cortez to More." (Reply More) "If you have a moment, would you come to sickbay? I would come to you but they insist I stay here for a while yet." (Reply More) "We should talk, Ensign." (Reply More) (USS Exeter – Sickbay – CMO Office – CMO Lt Gabe Vespers – 1604) Making the final note to an autopsy Gabe was conscious of a presence at the door. He looked up and then at the time. “Doctor Vespers, I presume? I’m here for my physical.” "That would make you Dr Kruse wouldn't it? It would also make you late. You told me prompt, if a member of my staff tells me they will do somthing I expect it to happen." Gabe stood and pointed to the empty chair "Take a seat" (Reply Kruse) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. - 1605) "That would make you Dr Kruse wouldn't it? It would also make you late. You told me prompt, if a member of my staff tells me they will do somthing I expect it to happen.” ~Drat, he noticed.~ Heinrich thought. Dr. Vespers pointed at his chair, "Take a seat" “Apologies Doctor, I’m still trying to judge distance around this ship.” Heinrich said as he sat down. Doctors, almost universally, hate going to see another doctor. They know just enough to be dangerous to themselves, and can be very stubborn about their health. Dr. Heinrich Kruze was certainly one of those doctors. Truth be told he was somewhat perturbed by having to undergo a physical. And while he tried his best not to show it, it almost certainly showed. “So, how has your day been Doctor?” Heinrich asked innocently, hoping he might delay the inevitable exam. (Reply Gabe) (USS Exeter –Personal Quarter – CFO – Lieutenant – Ire Williams - 1605) Ire lay on his bed looking up at the ceiling. His uniform and flight suit were discarded on a chair. He heard the comm channel open and Trips voice come from the ceiling. =^=Ire and Ravok. To my ready room. Asap=^= “Yes Captain. On my way.” He pulled him self off the bed and grabbed his clean uniform. He quickly changed dropping his dirty one onto the floor and headed out of his quarters. (USS Exeter - Arboretum - Tac/Sec Ens.(Sg) Stan More - 16:06 ) It was amazing considering the age of the story. But Stan was really enjoying the book he was reading. Treasure Island by Robbie Lewis Stevenson. What a great read! He sat under a large willow tree. Lillian his dog at his side snoozing. =/\="Cortez to More."=/\= Now there was a voice he thought he would never hear again. “ More here how may I help yer Erin?” Stan replied "=/\= If you have a moment, would you come to sickbay? I would come to you but they insist I stay here for a while yet.=/\=“ “ Is anything wrong?” He asked "=/\= We should talk, Ensign.=/\=“ “ Very well I be there in ten minutes.” Stan said. More cut the link. He had just finished the book. So there was no need to keep his place. After packing his things and taking Lillian back to there quarters. He made his way to sickbay. Armed with a bunch of nice flowers. He thought Erin would enjoy. (USS Exeter – mess hall – Lt JG Greta Smith – 1608) After Ravok and Rayna had left, Greta sat by herself and resumed her gaze out of the window. Her thoughts turned to her brother and the thought of telling him what had happened with Ire scared her for many reasons. As she thought about her brother, something he had once said to her rang in her mind. ~You, little bee, are just like that Japanese vase over there. One day you will understand what i mean but i have never seen anyone more personify Kintsugi than you.~ Smiling at the memory, she knew he was right. That moment when he had explained that Kintsugi was the Japanese art of taking a broken vase, fixing it with gold and making a more beautiful piece of art than before rang in her mind. Right now, she was broken. What Ire had done and how he had left had broken her but she knew that she could find the gold to make herself whole again. She knew that she needed to pick herself up and find the gold. She smiled to herself as she knew that if Trip or Ravok could hear her right now, they would think she was mad as a box of frogs. A thought occurred to Greta as she stood to head back to her quarters to get some things to take with her to spend the night with Rayna that her gold, the thing that she needed was her friends, her sense of humour and just to be carefree again. So, despite the fact that Ravok had asked her not to treat Rayna any bad words to which greta had intended to keep her promise, he had said nothing about teaching her the ancient art of pranks. ~They called me McHavok. Oh he has no idea. Rayna, hunny, we are going to have some fun.~ (Reply none) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. - 1609) Heinrich must have hit a nerve. He was not used to ranting. He was more used to working alone. His instinct was to fight back and walk out, but he worked to keep his cool. "I've had several days away from this office, I get back and not only do I have a new staff member, I have someone that wants to move everything around and clean. Even if it wasn't you, I like things where I leave them please take that on board?” ~What do I look like? A janitor?~ Heinrich thought to himself. He was going to inform Gabe that he was a doctor not a janitor, but Gabe gave him no chance to reply. "Furthermore, I see from the logs that once again the same two crew members have taken up residence in the Sickbay. Mr Kruse, you do understand that you're a Doctor, not a hotelier?” Heinrich was taken aback. He had only done his job, treating people with serious injuries. In the moment he did not know quite what to say, “I, uh… what?” "Ms Cortez and Mr More seem to have a habit of finding trouble, you've discharged Stan which is one less thing to worry about but Ms Cortez is my concern. I'm very close to having a conversation with the Captain and getting her removed from the ship for her own good, her body can't take much more of her ability to find injury and moreover, I'm fed up of her taking up resources. You have six hours to discharge her and get a full rehabilitation plan put in place. Sickbay is not a healthy place for her, mentally, I'm worried she is becoming dependant on medical intervention. Liaise with the Counsellor, she's to be on bi weekly evaluations. And before you tell me about her injuries... actually, don't tell me about her injuries, I've read the reports, you have six hours Doctor do I make myself clear?" As Gabe went on and on Heinrich began to shake. Was his superior really going to read him the riot act because he provided care to a woman who nearly died from electric shock? He was following direct orders from Commander Bracken. It all seemed so callous. Just like he imagined the Federation to be. “Seeing as you read the reports sir,” Heinrich interjected, “You know she still needs to be monitored. I can’t, in good conscience, discharge a patient in six hours whose lungs stopped working less than twenty four hours ago. Not to mention we still don’t know what effect the electric shock had on her brain. I will have her discharged when she is ready and no sooner.” He was surprised by what had come out of his mouth, he was not used to mouthing off to superiors. But he was also not used to having his medical expertise questioned. (Reply Gabe) (USS Exeter –Ready Room – CFO – Lieutenant – Ire Williams - 1609) He pressed the entrances chime and the door opened. He stepped inside and looked over at Trip. “You wanted to see me captain?” (Reply Trip and Ravok) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - CMO Lt Gabe Vespers. - 1611) “Seeing as you read the reports sir,” Heinrich interjected, “You know she still needs to be monitored. I can’t, in good conscience, discharge a patient in six hours whose lungs stopped working less than twenty four hours ago. Not to mention we still don’t know what effect the electric shock had on her brain. I will have her discharged when she is ready and no sooner.” He was surprised by what had come out of his mouth, he was not used to mouthing off to superiors. But he was also not used to having his medical expertise questioned. Watching as the man in front of him shake, take the gloves off and fight. Gabe softened his tone to more of a mentor. "Part of being here is thinking on your feet, adapting to ever changing situations. We can't hold people in Sickbay just for observations. Maybe six hours is a little harsh but my point is let's let her rehabilitate in her quarters. Erin needs a less clinical environment to recover." Gabe placed his hands on the desk trying to show his softer side. (Reply Kruse) "Heinrich, I have a reputation on the crew as being the hard nut, I know I'm not liked all the time by all the people but to be honest we're here to save lives, making friends is secondary to me. I will push you and I'm so glad to see someone push back." Gabe looked the man over (Reply Kruse) "I still want Erin discharged, we can monitor her vitals remotely, I've looked over the obs and she's more than stable this is not the right environment for her. (Reply Kruse) (USS Exeter –Captains ready room- CTO/3O Lieutenant Sg Ravok - 1611) After dropping Rayna off at home Ravok rushed to the ready room. On the way he noticed several people looking at him awkwardly. Giving him the looks of sympathy. He pretended to not notice. It wasn't the time to focus on that stuff his captain needed him and it sounded urgent. He walked up to the door and it opened right away. When he entered he saw Ire. He nodded his head to him and looked at Trip. " Sorry for my delay Sir. I was in the mess hall with Rayna getting ice cream. What can we do for you ?" ( reply Trip) (USS Exeter – Sickbay - CMO Office - Medical Officer, Ensign JG Heinrich Kruse, M.D. - 16013) Dr. Vespers' tone changed, and that confused Heinrich. He was ready for a fight. He could feel his heartbeat slowing down. "Part of being here is thinking on your feet, adapting to ever changing situations. We can't hold people in Sickbay just for observations. Maybe six hours is a little harsh but my point is let's let her rehabilitate in her quarters. Erin needs a less clinical environment to recover.” “Understood.” "Heinrich, I have a reputation on the crew as being the hard nut, I know I'm not liked all the time by all the people but to be honest we're here to save lives, making friends is secondary to me. I will push you and I'm so glad to see someone push back.” Heinrich tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help but crack a smile. ~So this was a test?~ he thought. “As long as we have an understanding it’ll be a pleasure saving lives by your side, sir.” "I still want Erin discharged, we can monitor her vitals remotely, I've looked over the obs and she's more than stable this is not the right environment for her.” “A sickbay isn’t the right environment for much of anyone. I’ll write up a plan to have her discharged and closely monitored over the next day or two.” Heinrich stopped, and couldn’t believe what he was about to say. “So what about that physical?” (Reply Gabe) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - Tac/Sec Ens. Stan More - 16:20 ) Walking into sickbay this time under his own power and in good health. Stan looked around for Erin. Seeing her he walked over and presented the flowers. “ These are for you.” He said. ( Reply , Erin ) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 16:22 ) Lying up on the bed, Erin took a breath as she saw Ensign More walking towards her. She knew from her own feelings about Nesha that the man would be carrying some guilt with regards to what happened. As he approached, he held out some flowers. Erin smiled softly as he spoke, “ These are for you.” He said. “Thankyou. They’re beautiful.” she replied as she took them from him and inhaled the scent. Putting them on the table next to her, she looked back at More and said, “Take a seat, Ensign.” (Reply More) “I called you here because there’s something we need to talk about.” (reply More) “Ensign, sorry, may i call you Stan?” (Reply More) “Stan, after what happened on the holodeck… I need you to listen to me when i say this.” (Reply More) “I don’t blame you. What happened was not your fault and should not be on your conscience. It was all her. I don’t blame you nor do i harbour any ill will to you for me being here or what happened to me.” (Reply More) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - Tac/Sec Ens.(Sg) Stan More - 16:23 ) Stan was visiting Erin. He was relieved she liked his flowers. Thankyou. They’re beautiful.” she replied as she took them from him and inhaled the scent. Putting them on the table next to her, she looked back at More and said, “Take a seat, Ensign.” “ Thanks. Those are replicated by the way. So they should last a wee while.” He said “I called you here because there’s something we need to talk about.” Here it comes. Stan was ready for whatever scolding that was to come. He deserved it after his actions on the holodeck. “ Yes.” He said. “Ensign, sorry, may i call you Stan?” “ If I may call you Erin.” He replied “Stan, after what happened on the holodeck… I need you to listen to me when i say this.” “ I am so sorry for what happened. It was all my fault. I thought if not reacting Maxine’s provocation. She would focus her attack on myself and leave you guys alone. But instead it backfired and she hurt you.” Stan said bowing his head sadly. “I don’t blame you. What happened was not your fault and should not be on your conscience. It was all her. I don’t blame you nor do i harbour any ill will to you for me being here or what happened to me.” Stan looked up. “ But you could of died because of my not thinking of the consequences. By ignoring Maxine it just inflamed her more into killing or nearly killing you. How can you forgive me for that? “ Stan said. ( Reply , Erin ) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 16:25 ) “ But you could have died because of my not thinking of the consequences. By ignoring Maxine it just inflamed her more into killing or nearly killing you. How can you forgive me for that? “ "Because it was not your fault." She leant forward and took his hand gently. "Stan, listen. What happened, happened. We all have to deal with it. I'm still here. Nesha isn't. I'll carry that for the rest of my life but I know that it wasn't my fault. Whatever we would have said, she would have hurt us anyway." (Reply More) "What happened is not on you. There's no fault or blame here. No blood on your hands." (Reply More) "I'll put it another way. I don't blame you. You needn't apologise because you have nothing to apologise for. " (Reply More) (USS Exeter - Ops Center - Ensign Rylee Page - 1634) Sitting at one of the stations in the Ops centre, Rylee rolled her shoulders and stared back at the screen. Waking up in Zot’s arms earlier that morning had been a pleasant surprise. She knew that she had a smile on her face that betrayed her and she found that she didn’t care. Thinking back to her life on Trill, she had always been told that she was a dreamer. But, to her, that was a compliment. The joined Trill that she had known had always seen love and dreaming were a distraction. But, to Rylee, they were essential. Now, having found Zot and knowing that they were enjoying something that was new and exciting, she smiled happily. The words of her father echoed in her mind. ~Rye, you are a lover. You love without abandon and you care so deeply.~ She never understood that fully until this moment. She knew he was right and she knew that it was something else. ~Not just a lover, I am free. No boundaries, no reason to be anything other than what i am. I am free and damn, it feels good.~ Looking back to her work, she sighed as she realised that as free in spirit as she felt, there was still diagnostics to run to prevent another incident. To prevent what had just happened on the ship. ~I may be free in spirit but Sleeford will have my ass if i don’t get this done.~ she thought to herself as she focused back to the streams of data. (Reply Any) ( USS Exeter - Sickbay - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez & CMO Lt Gabe Vespers - 1711 ) Whilst she understood that she needed sickbay, Erin had had enough of being there. Taking a breath and steadying herself, she walked the short distance, slowly to the CMO's office. Knowing that she and the doctor had some history, it made her a little wary but she also knew that she needed out of the place. Pressing the panel to the side of the door, she waited to be allowed in. Getting ready to wrap up for the evening then head into rounds Gabe was starting to struggle. He had sent Kruse to finalise the plan for Erin, the buzzer pulled his attention he looked up and saw Lt Cortez at his door ~that was quick~ he pressed the button to open the door "Come in Ms Cortez, how can I help?" Walking in, Erin stood for a moment, "I have a request to make." "Please take a seat" Gabe was never sure how any meeting with Erin would go. Sitting down opposite him, she took a breath and sighed, "I want to leave. Go back to my own quarters. Please." Gabe looked at her for a moment "Erin, have you spoken to Dr Kruse today?" "Yes. Why?" "We were just discussing you as it happens and I feel you would actually be best served recovering from your quarters, in fact I was going to discuss that with you on rounds." Gabe said studying the woman's reaction. Raising her eyebrows a little, Erin sat back in the chair. "Oh… I've been here enough for a lifetime. Physically, I feel fine." She replied. Looking at the PADD Gabe took a moment to gather his thoughts "You have been here a lot, admittedly it's not your fault, but these walls have a habit of creating a dependency on them; Im concerned that continued exposure beyond what is completely necessary may kick off some adverse effects neither of us would want to arise. Physically you're almost fine, but with rehabilitation and some time off duty you will recover." Gabe took a moment to form his thoughts "I would feel that given what's happened you need to have time to heal mentally also, your discharge is conditioned to the need for bi weekly meetings with the counselor and I would like to see you monthly for a physical, just incase we've missed something." Gabe looked at Erin, unsure how she would react. Erin nodded, then the words that he had spoken hit her. Looking at him, she leant forward, "Doctor, are you saying that you think I have a problem? Do you honestly think I want to be here?" "Erin, I think you need to hear what I actually said. Continued exposure to Sickbay can create a dependency to it, I'm not saying you are dependent on being here. I'm saying, as a Doctor, I am concerned for anyone that spends a lot of time here; involuntary or otherwise. You and I both agree your treatment would be best suited at home." Folding her arms across her chest, Erin regarded him for a moment, "i' not disputing that. I just … I don't wanted to be here. Not again. This was as far from voluntary as it could have been. Was it my choice to get kidnapped and electrocuted? Heck no." Matching the woman's tone Gabe readjusted his stance. "Lt Cortez, I suggest you stop there. I am looking out for both your mental and physical well-being. Part of medicine is prevention, which is what is happening here. You are free to go, however, I am ordering you to undergo bi weekly meetings with the counselor, based on the fact that you have been through so much. If you wish to stay here then so be it, but you would be reinforcing this conversation wouldn't you?" "Doctor, may I speak freely?" "Of course, in which case it's Gabe not Doctor." "Gabe, I have been through a lot. Made some bad choices. But part of me feels that you have made some assumptions about me. Particularly because of what happened on the last mission. " Erin paused for a moment and continued, "What I did, I did out of concern. You were emotionally compromised and I was concerned that would impact the treatment you gave. You reacted. Shouted and, damn it, you embarrassed us both." Gabe looked at the woman he rose and walked to the door. "Follow me" he lead her to the middle of the Sickbay. Standing, she followed him, wondering where this was going. "Erin, do you know how stressful it is to be one of two people responsible for the physical and mental health of an entire crew?" He looked around and lead her again to the the small recovery ward off the main Sickbay "Do you know how stressful it is to have to know every one of these people, what is wrong with them, how to treat them, what's happening with their treatment that's a lot of pressure" Gabe continued through to the morgue "and do you know the pain of doing an autopsy on your friends?" Erin could see that he needed to say here things. Needed to say these things to her so she kept quiet. Followed him and listened. "Now imagine that's your sister, that she is being treated by someone who doesn't have the same medical knowledge as you? Knowing that you can save her. I may have shouted but it was for the right reasons. I know the crew feel I'm harsh, short but it's because things need to be right." Taking a breath, Erin looked at him, "I agree that things have to be right. I know what you said to me was right and I understand that." Erin paused, choosing her next words carefully, "However, surely you must understand that, whilst I am not disputing what you said was right… what I am disputing is the delivery. I know I go head first into situations without thought sometimes. I know I need to consider things more. I accept I have flaws and I am working on them. However, the way you speak to people could be better. Ailynn’s situation aside, can you honestly say that you have said things to members of the crew that could have been said differently? Instead of, for example, do this for this patient, please do this. And, before you say it, I know pleasantries don't work In stressful situations. I do." "So you understand the shouting then at least." Gabe said sliding the body back. "We got off on the wrong footing. Neither of us know much about the other. You know my medical history but don't know about my family, my past and what it did to me. Me, I know next to nothing about you. Except maybe that you can be a teeny bit grumpy. " "Look, I'm a very private person and I fail to see what this has to do with your discharge" "I'm not trying to pry. Just trying to offer another perspective." Erin sighed, "what I am trying to say I that I apologise for what I did. I did so because I felt that it was the right thing to do. If it were me, and I was in that position… would I want to save my sister? Heck yes. But, would I recognise that I am too close to be objective? Yes." Taking a step back from Gabe, she regarded him for a moment, "We see things differently, you and I. When I look at you I see an extremely clever and talented doctor. A good man." She sighed heavily, "I'm honestly not trying to pry into your personal life. That's a private thing. Just as mine is to me. I just don't want you to have the wrong opinion of me. So, I think what I am trying to say is I'm sorry if I irked you or upset you but I meant well. I hope that we can move on from this." "Firstly, you don't need to apologise for doing what you did, any officer in any situation would have done the same, if I over stepped the mark I would normally mutter some form of apology but" Gabe sighed and leant against a space "I've only just found my extended family, I was brought up being an only child within a few months of being assigned to Mars I found I had a sister and a dad one of which was dead and I'm damned if I'm going to let the other one die. So yes, I'm attached to her but frankly I'm attached to every member of this crew, over the coming years I will birth them, help them, recover them and most importantly and sacred I will hold them as they die so forgive me if I fight back I have no choice but to protect myself." Erin smiled gently. "See, now I get that. I was out of line and, for that, I apologise. I'm like that in a way. I am open about things, about my past but I protect myself by pushing people away. They're not with me so they can't hurt me. I'm learning that I can’t do that. That I need to let people in. So, maybe, there's something in that. By all means protect your own and yourself but let people in. Let them see the real Gabe rather than the personna. Be tough but done afraid to let someone in." "Erin, I have my people, but point taken." "And I think I've bored you enough. If it’s okay with you, I'd like to go back to my quarters now and, I promise, that I have no intention on being back here for a very long time." She replied with a soft smile. Gabe allowed the moment to lay, he hadn't intended on having such an in-depth conversation "Oh, before you go, report to Dr Kruse for your discharge check over, I expect to read that you've made your appointment with the Counsellor and in a week meet me in Nine and Dine, don't expect much more than an icy reception but we can have dinner." "Understood and I'll be there." Erin turned to walk away and then glanced back, "Thankyou Doctor." (Reply none) ( USS Exeter - personal quarters - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez & 1st Fighter Wing of Mars CO, Commander Jimmy Hart - 1734 ) After getting back to her own quarters,having talked to Doctor Kruse as was requested and, having made the required counselling appointments, Erin had changed into comfy clothes and sat at her desk. Needing to touch base with someone, just to take her mind off what had happened, she placed the call to Mars, sat back and waited for him to answer. =/\=Hello=/\= the voice on the other end said groggily. =/\=do you have any idea what time it is over here? It’s like 0400 hours. This better be important Billy or I swear.=/\= "Hopefully, I'm better looking than your cousin. Sorry if I woke you." Erin smiled. The thought of bed hair on Jimmy made her laugh a touch. =/\=Same thing I told fake Billy.=/\= Jimmy said bluntly. =/\=It better be important, I got the kid this week, if this wakes him up and I got to make pancakes at 0500, I swear Erin, the next time I see you, you’ll owe me.=/\= Jimmy got up and put on a shirt and then sat down. =/\=ok whats up?=/\= "I'll be quiet. Although depends on what you mean by I will owe you." She replied with a smile. =/\=Nothing that will seem like a reward in anyway.=/\= He retorted. ~He is not a morning person ~ she thought to herself =/\=Erin, get to the point, yes its good to see you, muah, muah, pleasantries, done. It’s early and I’m grumpy, so pretend the ship is on fire and the faster you get to the point, the faster you’re saved, and lets talk about it.=/\= Jimmy was grumpy and wasn’t in the mood for dancing around the topic. "I… okay, look, I just got out of sickbay and I wanted to talk to you. Is that so bad? I forgot the time difference. I'll make it up to you when I get back." =/\=Stop apologizing.=/\= "So…. Okay. I'll try and never use that word again unless it is warranted." =/\=I want you to call if you’re hurt, and you need someone to talk to. Lead with that. And stop apologizing. Its ok to be vulnerable, its ok not to be perfect. Im assuming you were hurt, or else you wouldn’t call.=/\= "Yeah.. there's not much I can say about it otherwise your cousin would kick my ass. " She laughed gently. "I'm okay… for the most part." “Well, tell me about it. How're you feeling?” "Sore. But I'll be okay. Physically anyway. Mentally, it's gonna take a bit but I'm not running. Not this time. I got told that, I need to own who I am and what has happened to me. So , this is me, trying to own it." =/\=Well you dont need my approval to own it.=/\= "I know…" =/\=Owning it comes from you, not me. If you’re calling to tell me you were hurt, but ok. I appreciate it. If you want to talk about it, I’m here. But if you’re calling to get my approval or my respect because you’re owning it, then you aren’t really owning it.=/\= "That’s not it. I.. There’s only so much I can tell you. But… what happened, it scared me. Made me realise some things and I just… it's hard to explain when I can't say somethings. " She sighed, "I got hurt. Pretty bad. I just…" she sighed and rubbed her head a little, trying to find the words to explain. =/\=You just? Erin, honey, you know you have the words. Just say them, even if they aren’t perfect.=/\= "I… my mom always said I could talk and talk and not say one single thing of relevance. " She paused and then continued, "I can't explain it, not well anyway. Things have happened here. Things that have had an impact on me. Made me realise that you were right all along." =/\=About?=/\= "I can't hide from my past. Nor can I let it own me. I wish I could explain what has happened. It's made me realise that properly. That I can’t be who I was anymore. I can't be that version of me. I, damn it, I'll say it. I need to grow up and be more open." =/\=Open thats not the word, I’d use. Vulnerable. You’re so obsessed with being stronger, you sometimes forget its ok to be weak.=/\= "Again, how do you do that? I've been so consumed by trying to be someone I'm not…" =/\=It’s ok to hurt, and to feel hurt. It’s ok to say, this sucked, and I can’t handle it. Sometimes Erin, you have a tendency to say, I’m going to not let this own me, and you go out of your way to let it control you.=/\= She smiled softly, knowing he was right. "I'm trying. This whole situation has been… difficult to say the least." =/\=Be vulnerable. Its not a bad thing.=/\= Taking a breath, she nodded. Her voice caught in her throat a little as she spoke, " Jimmy… it… was bad. I can't go into specifics but… " she paused, wiped her nose with the cuff of her jumper and continued, " … I'm dealing. I have to speak with the ships counselor about all this. Done some already. I'm not okay but I will be." =/\=There is nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. Look I feel like I’m doing a lot of, whats the 21st century phrase? Mansplaining? I feel like I’m doing a lot of mansplaining, but counseling is good. You should know that, you used to be one.=/\= "Physician heal thyself. I get that." =/\=Look, you’ve had a shit go of it. From Christian, to Dulon, to this. But you also tend to try and fix the problem by being stronger, or feel like you have to be super woman to overcome. So you look for the quick fix, or you runaway, or try weird Romulan rituals. And thats not gonna fix it. It’s the reason why Billy broke up with you.=/\= The fact that he mentioned Billy made Erin sit up and she sighed. "I know. I wasn't ready for anything and I didn't treat him well. I was at least open with him." =/\=Sure you told him everything, because you were already open. But you never let him into the struggle, you were never vulnerable, you never let him share that pain or burden with you. The first step of being vulnerable is knowing that shit takes time.=/\= "I should take the advice I have given out. I know… I realise that I have made mistakes. But who hasn't? I'm not perfect, far from it. But I am trying. " She paused for a moment and closed her eyes, "It's going to take time to process what happened for so many reasons. I don't want to hide any of it from you." =/\=Well then start by telling me what you can tell me. The pain, the fear, the what have you. =/\= Erin closed her eyes, feeling an impossible weight being lifted from her shoulders as she began to speak, " It's all jumbled really. I'm scared. Being honest, I'm scared for a number of reasons. What happened was not pretty. What happened was something I never want to have to go through again. I felt like a failure. Even though I know it wasn’t me, wasn’t anything really that I did, I have a guilt weighing on me because of something that happened. The pain of seeing people I know and love go through something and me…. I went through something physical. So, I have the physical pain but… it's not that that is screwing me over. It's the mental side of it. The fact that I have to live with what happened. Even though, logically speaking, I know it wasn’t my fault… I just…. I made a choice that backfired. And, I'm scared to close my eyes and sleep because I will see it all over again. Feel the pain. The physical and the emotional." =/\=Erin, go see a counselor. Now. Tell them everything you just told me. Don’t wait. Just go. Spend all evening talking. Sounds to me like you have the makings of what could develop into PTSD. Don’t dilly dally with your mental healthy.=/\= "I know. I will. Already talked to one somewhat today. But I hear what you are saying. I honestly do." =/\=And yes, you can call me when you’re done.=/\= "Well thankyou, kind sir." She replied with a smile. "Now I do have one question. Before I go talk that is.." =/\=yes?=/\ "When I get back to Mars, do I get to taste these infamous Hart pancakes?" =/\=if you have to ask. You'll never know.=/\= (Reply none) ( USS Exeter - Personal Quarters - CSO Lt Jg Erin Cortez - 1747 ) After speaking to Jimmy and contacting the counselling team, Erin sat back for a moment to allow herself a moment to think before she left to speak to someone. As she closed her eyes, one word kept ringing in her mind. ~Evolving~ That was the word. She was evolving. Becoming better. Someone that wasn’t scared to admit she was wrong or vulnerable. Thinking back to the night that Christian had broke her in more ways than one, she knew that she was not that person. The feelings that she had had then, the fear, the pain, the uncertainty, the unworthiness. But, she had fought her way back to get into starfleet. Struggled but made it through. Then there was Dulon and what had happened there. The fact that she had recognised that she needed help and time away from the life she had on mars was not lost on her. She had recognised that she needed to become something other than what she was at that point in her life. She had needed to evolve. And now, with the whole ‘Maxine’ situation, with Clarke and Nesha losing their lives and her nearly losing hers… she realised that again, she was evolving. Constantly adapting and changing and becoming stronger. Erin shook her head as she knew the word stronger wasn’t right. Jimmy had been right with what he had said about her becoming obsessed with becoming stronger and he had been right to a point. The word Strong was a double edged sword. She knew that she was stronger but she could tell that she was using it in a different sense now. No longer was the word something that she strived for, was desperate to become. Stronger now meant being able to admit when she was feeling weak and vulnerable and letting people in. Letting people in to help her with her struggle and being open to receive that help. She smiled to herself as she opened her eyes and stood. ~Maybe strong is not the word, evolving is. It’s like a chrysalis. Everything up to the moment in my life has been to help me change, to become who i was meant to be. I am evolving and that’s fine. I can be weak, i can be vulnerable and that’s fine and, right now, i need to be that version of me. The fun version of me will come back as a part of the whole.~ Taking a breath, she walked out of her quarters, knowing that she was feeling better about her journey and where it would take her. (Reply none) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< End Compile >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<